hoodie || nh au

Thirteen

I put the delicious Smoore into my mouth. It's been ages since I've tasted such an amazing thing. The others exept Niall and I already went back into the house. They got tired and cold. I actually want to go to bed, too, but I don't want Niall to be all alone. He's the reason I'm here.

"Let's go inside. You're starting to shake", Niall says.

He pours a bottle of water over the rest of the fire. It stops burning in the process. Niall takes me by my hand, so I don't fall in the dark. He knows this place best. We arrive at the house soon. He opens the door quietly. I let go of his hand. Just as I start to walk again, I stumble over my own feet and fall onto the ground face first. Niall starts laughing loudly.

"Ouch!", I exclaim.

He continues laughing. I smack him in the arm, so he calms down. He actually does. We walk up the stairs and reach our room soon. He turns the light on. I shut the door. We both make our way to our bags to get out some sleeping stuff but first I take Niall's now dry shirt from swimming and give it to him.

"You can keep it. It looks better on you", he smiles.

"But it's so expensive. I can't take it", I tell him.

"Take it, Alex. I have enough t-shirts."

"Thanks, Niall."

He nods and pulls down his pants and takes off his shirt. I stare at him in quite shock. He's not going to sleep in that bed when he's almost naked.

"Are you okay with this?", he asks me.

"Nope", I don't even have to think about the answer.

He rolls his eyes and pulls on his shirt again. Then I agree to him. He leaves the room, so I can get dressed. I pull off my skinny jeans and pull on some pink shorts. My hoodie is placed next to my bag neatly. I pull off my bra and on goes a sports bra and Niall's t-shirt. I open the door for him to come in again. He looks at my arms for a long time before I realize he sees my small scars. We close the door again. I pull the blanket up on my side and lay down. I don't want Niall to talk about this. It's a quite touchy subject around me. Niall pulls up his side of the blanket and lays down under it. I feel like crying out of no reason. Maybe the reason I'm so happy and I'm just a little overwhelmed by everything happening at the moment. I finally have someone who helps me. I finally have some more friends. And I finally have something to do with Niall, my crush of two years. I don't cry.

"Alex, are you okay?", Niall asks, turning around and facing my back.

He touches my shoulder, turning me around to him. I plaster a smile to my face.

"Don't fake it, Alex. I know that you don't feel okay. You just have to trust me one time, okay?", he mumbles with his eyes fixating my eyes.

I nod and feel like I have to tell him.

"Why do you do that to yourself?", he asks, pointing to my arms.

"I hurt myself when I deserve it. An example is when I eat something and don't purge but I stopped since you're helping me get over it. Don't worry. I have it under control", I tell him.

He nods and lays a hand on my arm. His fingers brush over my scars. I shiver at his touch. His fingers are really warm.

"You don't have to do this to yourself anymore. I'm here to help you", he says.

I nod and sit up, shaking off his arm. I tie my hair into a ponytail and lay back down, facing Niall. He smiles.

"What are we doing tomorrow?", I ask quietly, tucking my arms under the blanket to keep them warm.

Changing subjects is the only thing I can do now. Niall scratches his stubbles slightly, thinking about what we're doing tomorrow.

"Miranda and Sam don't want to go hiking but I would love to. Josh and Luke will probably go to the lake, so we have to find something we can do", he explains.

"I would love to go hiking, too", I tell him honestly.

I didn't go hiking for four years. That time we flew to Germany to the Alps. I bought a hoodie there, just like I do every time I'm somewhere new.

"Okay, maybe we could go hiking. Maybe we could talk to the others at breakfast and see, if they want to tag along."

I nod and yawn. Niall turns off the light.

"Good night, Alex", he says.

"Night."

*****

The small pancake on my plate looks amazing, as I come down from the staircase. Everyone exept Niall is sitting at the table. Niall stands at the stove. He made pancakes for us and a extra small one for me. That's so sweet of him.

"Good morning", I say and sit down at my place with the small pancake with small blueberries in it.

It looks so good but if I eat this, I'll get fat.

Better purge it when no one's looking.

Niall soon comes to us and sits down next to me with a huge pancake on his plate. How does he stay so skinny, if he eats that much? I want that, too.

"So, Alex and I would like to go hiking today. Does someone want to join us? We won't hike that far", Niall announces, as we start eating.

I take a small bite of my pancake. It's so good. I love it.

"Miranda and I are going to the city. We have to get some groceries and we want to meet up with the guys from last year to get the stuff for the party tonight", Sam explains.

"Okay, so a 'no' from you", Niall sighs.

"Josh and I would love to go hiking but we're too lazy. We're going to stay here and have some fun by ourselves", Luke says.

I almost choke on my pancake. Niall hits my back, so I calm down again. Everyone starts laughing when I'm done. Ew. Never in my dear life am I going to be in the same house when they're having sex.

"Good, so it's only me and Alex. Is that okay?", he asks me.

"It's okay."

I eat the last bit of pancake. Okay, I have to purge this. It's just too much. I already gained so much weight, it's enough for now. After the others eat up, we seperate into our own ways. Niall cleans up the kitchen and the others stay downstairs. I look at the clock. Five minutes. I open my backpack and get out some black skinny jeans, the black Jack&Jones hoodie Niall has, too, and a black grafic t-shirt. It has the Eskimo Callboy logo on it. I love this t-shirt. It's supposed to be 77 degrees today. Actually it's too warm for a hoodie but I love hoodies. I go to the bathroom, after I check that no one's up here.

You're so fat. Only you can change that. Go purge, you bitch.

I open the toilet seat and bend over, sticking two fingers down my throat. The food comes out pretty fast. I flush it, get cleaned up and change out of my sleeping clothes. Niall sits on our bed, his head in his hands. He looks up, as he hears me enter. I step back a little. His eyes are slightly red. He cried.

"What's wrong?", I ask quietly, standing in front of him.

"Why did you do it again?"