hoodie || nh au

Twenty

He ignores me and takes his clothes. I wait for him to come back to the room but he doesn't. At least twenty minutes after he left, I decide to look after Niall. Maybe he hurt himself or something. I look after him in the bathroom first. The door is closed but when I open it, the lights are off and no one is here. I then sneak down the stairs. There is a faint light in the livingroom. I walk over there quietly and see Niall sitting on the couch with his phone in his hand. He has his pictures open. I'm still a few feet behind him but he doesn't realize I'm behind him. He's looking at a picture from the mountain we hiked on. It's me taking a picture of the chickadee. I make the floor creak on purpose, so Niall knows I'm here. He quickly locks his phone and turns around.

"Oh, it's just you", he relaxes.

I smile and sit down next to him. His smile doesn't reach his eyes.

"What are you doing down here?", I ask.

"I just thought you're mad at me for taking your towel away. I'm sorry", he explains.

"I wasn't mad, just a little shocked. Just don't do that again. I'll be ready to show my body someday, maybe not tomorrow or in a year but sometime."

Niall nods and gets up. We go back to our room. I sit back down on my side of the bed. The bed is so comfortable. I wish my bed at home was this comfortable. Maybe it's not just the bed. It could be the fact that Niall sleeps in the same bed as me. I'm not alone with my thoughs. This would be great every night.

"Are you tired?", Niall suddenly asks.

I shake my head and turn towards him. His bare torso is exposed to me. He works out a lot. I like it.

"Me too", he chuckles.

"What do you want to do?", I ask quietly.

"We could play fuck, marry, kill", he answers.

I nod and tell him to give me three names. He smirks confidently. I shake my head slightly.

"Liam Hemsworth, Oliver Sykes and Sam", he smirks.

I shake my head again. This is a hard one but I think I know what I'll say.

"Fuck Oliver, marry Liam and kill Sam", I giggle.

Niall smiles quickly.

"I give you Barbara Palvin, Megan Fox and Gigi Hadid."

He thinks a long while. I'm pretty exited for his answer. I take my phone out and google some more female celebrities. I'm not that aware of many female celebrities.

"Fuck Megan, marry Gigi and kill Barbara", he answers after a while.

"Good choice", I smile.

I wait for Niall to give me some more people to judge.

"Zack Efron, Justin Bieber and I", he grins.

If I say something wrong he'll probably figure out that I like him. I feel my hand fiddle with my phone underneath me. My eyes are trained on Niall's chest. The small chickadee under the owls wing looks like the one I took a photo of. It's cute. My mind swerves around the question. I'm surely going to kill Justin, no offence, but I don't like him that much. Now I have to decide if I fuck or marry Niall. If I fuck him, It'll be a one time thing. I'll get feelings and he won't and then I'll be heartbroken. If I marry him, I'll be by his side my whole life. It's just a game.

"Kill Justin, fuck Zack and marry you", I mumble.

"What did you say?", he smirks.

He knows what I told him. I hit him in the shoulder. He pulls me towards him by my arms and hugs me to his body. My ear lays on his chest, where his heart is. His heartbeat is calming. I lay my arms around his torso. He lays his legs over my legs and pulls me a little closer, to it's more comfortable. I close my eyes, breathing in his scent.

"That's cute", he tells me.

"What?", I ask quietly.

"That you close your eyes while we hug. You always do that. It's cute and I like it. You make me happy when you do that."

"Okay."

I whisper the 'okay' and stay hugged to Niall. He rubbs his hand up and down my back. My lips form a smile. My eyes stay closed.

"I don't want to lose you", Niall whispers.

"I don't want to lose you, too", I tell him honestly.

He kisses my head quickly. I open my eyes and release my hug. My eyes find him. He gives my nose a quick peck and brushes some dryed hair out of my face.

"You should wear you hair open more often", he smiles.

"Okay."

"Do you want to continue playing some games?"

"Sure", I tell him.

"How about... truth or truth", he smirks.

I nod. We used to play truth or dare at parties. Truth or truth is easier to get to know people. We often did this in middle school because our teachers thought it would be cool. It wasn't. Not even a little bit.

"I'll start", Niall smirks, "Are you a virgin?"

"No."

I feel my heart race again. Liam and I loved each other but he started doing those things to me and he called me names and his friends hated me. I push the thoughts away.

"How many girls did you sleep with?", I question, the answer interesting me more than I actually want.

He gives me a slight glare. I just shrug. Not that I don't care.

"I don't know. It's been a lot of girls. I lost count but that's not important", he answers.

I feel a slight aching in my heart. That really hurt a little.

"Who took your virginity and when?", he asks.

I shake my head and deny to answer that question. Tears form in my eyes. It's actually time to talk about it with Niall. He needs to know it but I'm not ready to tell him. I'm scared for his reaction.

"I'll just ask y-", he starts.

"No, I'll tell you. But you have to listen to me until the end. Do not interupt me or ask any questions, okay?", I ask.

He nods and pulls a hoodie over his head because it got pretty cold in our room. I cross my legs under my body. Niall does it, too.

"So, I'll just start from the beginning. It's a long story behind the loss of my virginity and you need to know it. You're one of my best friends. No one exept Luke and Josh know. I fell in love with a boy named Liam two years ago. He was nice and I really liked him. Our relationship was fine and everything. I was 16 when I lost my virginity to him. After that night, Liam started to hurt me. Emotionally and physicaly. He started hitting me and everytime he did, he told me that he'll never do it again. I believed him because I loved him. He called me fat and ugly and always told me that I'll never find anyone beside him because I'm that fat and ugly. I started to lose weight. He constantly called me fat, so I became anorexic. Liam abused me. Luke then started to see the bruises and saw that I got skinnier. He told my dad. With Luke's help I broke up with Liam. He moved away after my parents talked to his. They thought it would be good to move away from us. I went in therapy after. I was 3 hours away from home with no one but anorexic girls around me. They all were so skinny. Some girl even died there. She was purging every bit of food. They told us she had not a chance to survive. I got normal again. Just as I started school again, everyone looked at me weirdly. I became the anorexic girl with hoodies. That's why I relapsed. I wasn't perfect but I wanted to be", I explain, tears running down my face.

Niall whipes a tear from my cheek. He takes my hands and stands up, making me get off of the bed and stand up, too. I whipe a few tears away. Niall hugs me tightly. Honestly, I am really thankful that Niall isn't saying anything. Just this hug makes me feel better.