My LOVE is Forever (Book 4-1st Alternate Ending)

Part 29

After I finish eating, I head back to Prince's office, I open the door, but stand in the doorway, I don't know why I can't force myself to enter here. This time, when I turn away, I leave the door open. Maybe that will make my entering easier when I come back, so instead of doing what I planned, I head out to the back porch to enjoy some of the early morning sunshine.

The sun is warm, there's a soft breeze blowing, I hear the birds in the trees. My garden in Tennessee has been blooming since April, and in full swing, the garden here is just starting, which makes me feel like I've stepped back in time just a little bit.

I get up and walk around, trying to picture myself here alone, with our daughter. I'm so torn in my decision on whether to let this house go or not. I can picture us at my Tennessee home, and I don't know why. I wonder if it's because I was always been alone there, and it's the norm.

I also wonder about our daughter, if she's going to be musically inclined, which have a pretty good idea she will be. I don't have the space at the Tennessee house for a piano. I actually don't have the space for Prince's things that I want to keep from this house. Every time I think I've made a decision something else comes to mind that makes me second-guess it.

I leave the backyard and head into the house, straight into Prince's office. This time I make it through the doorway and stand next to the desk. His desk is pretty tidy, similar to his desk at Paisley. There's a desktop computer, a desk phone, a framed engagement picture, the one where I'm blushing, and a framed picture from our wedding, nothing more.

I look around the room, the bookshelf is full of books, there's a couple interesting abstract paintings on the wall and several tall candle holders near the corner of the room. I sit down at the desk, opening a top drawer, it's the usual office fare: a couple pens, a highlighter, note paper, and some paper clips. The top drawer on the other side has some receipts and a small phone book. A prescription bottle rolls into view, the name on the bottle says Johnson, Kirk and it's for oxycodone. When I open the bottle, there are only two pills left inside, I recap it, and put it back. I had heard the rumors, if Prince had been dependant on painkillers, he exhibited no signs to me.

I move to the lower right hand drawer where he used to stash cash. I remove the empty file folders and sure enough there are stacks of cash behind them. My hand covers my mouth, I always hated that he kept such a large amount money in the house, but now the whole area is full. "Prince, Prince, Prince," I chastise him, shaking my head. I replace the file folders, I'll deal with the cash later.

I flip on the computer, and when the screen lights up, it's obvious that it had been wiped clean and reformatted. Nothing remains but the factory settings and one shortcut to a word document titled DANA. I feel a flutter in my tummy, butterflies? Could it be our baby? I bite my lip and double click the shortcut, the document opens:

The document is time stamped as created on March 22, 3:02 a.m., our last morning before the divorce diabolical:

DANA,

EYE SIT HERE THIS MORNING IN TURMOIL BECAUSE EYE HAVE BEEN KEEPING A SECRET FROM U THAT EYE CANT BRING MYSELF 2 SHARE. EYE AM VERY SICK AND WAS NOT AWARE IT UNTIL IT WAS 2 L8.

EYE HAVE TRIED 2 PUSH U AWAY BUT U PUSH RIGHT BACK WITH ALL UR LOVE AND PATIENCE. EYE AM FORCED 2 SEEK AN ALTERNATIVE ROUTE THAT EYE KNOW WILL BREAK UR <3.

I SIT HERE AT THIS COMPUTER BEGGING 4 UR UNDERSTANDING 4 WHAT EYE AM ABOUT 2 DO. EYE HAVE JUST LEFT U SLEEPING IN R ROOM 2 COME HERE 2 GET MY THOUGHTS OUT. EYE NEED 2 FEEL UR BODY AGAINST MINE. EYE NEED 2 MAKE LOVE 2 U 1 LAST TIME.

EYE MEET WITH THE DR. L8R 2DAY AND FEAR 4 THE WORST. IF THAT IS THE CASE EYE WILL B FORCED 2 SAY GOODBYE. EYE CANT LET U SEE ME DETERIORATE. EYE WONT B A BURDEN 2 U OR ANY1 ELSE.

EYE DONT NO WHEN U WILL READ THIS. CHANCES R AFTER EYE AM GONE. EYE NO U R NOT THE TYPE TO NOSE AROUND IN MY SPACES. EYE NO U MAY NEVER SEE THIS.

PLEASE NO THAT EYE AM SORRY WITH ALL MY <3. U WERE THE STRONG FOUNDATION EYE HAD SEARCHED 4 MY WHOLE LIFE. ONLY EYE DID NOT NO EYE WAS CRUMBLING. U NEVER PURSUED ME. EYE HAD 2 PURSUE U. UR LOVE WAS TRUE AND AGAIN EYE AM THANKFUL.

EYE WILL LOVE U ALWAYS. GOD BLESS U SUGAR.

P

I read and reread the words. Knowing he had come into our bedroom early that morning after arriving home to watch me sleep, then came down here to clear his computer and write this note devastates me. My meticulous man, every little detail planned out so perfectly, and I thought it was spontaneous that he wanted to make love that morning. I knew from talking with Tyka after he passed that our last time together was special, his every action was fueled by the love he had for me. That's why it was so different, he wanted me to remember every stroke, every touch, every kiss, and I still do. I place my hand on my abdomen, and thanks to this baby growing inside me, I always will.

As awful as that day was, and as cold and calculated as he was in his office at Paisley, I now know for certain it was all an act. That's why he couldn't face me afterwards, why he snuck into our home in the wee hours to leave the divorce papers on the counter. Did he watch me sleep that morning, too? Why didn't he leave another note for me?

I power off the computer and head back out into the garden to think.