My LOVE is Forever (Book 4-1st Alternate Ending)

Part 58

Finally, dreaded April has passed, and May is continuing to slink along like a slug. My next goal, other than trying to master motherhood, is to regain my motivation in the garden.

With Anastasia approaching five months old, and now that I'm getting some decent sleep through the night, I feel compelled to get my life back to some semblance of 'normal'. I pause a moment to glance at our sleeping child in her playpen under the protection of the back porch, before I continue on my hands and knees, weeding out and preparing the garden.

Ever since the April celebrations, Tyka has been calling frequently, begging for me to come up and visit. "Angel's due date is June 15, Tyka. I'm not going anywhere until after that baby is born," I tell her in an even tone. Tyka quickly relinquishes her efforts, knowing I'm not about to leave Angel high and dry after all she's done for me. Since only two people are allowed in during the delivery, I have agreed to watch Derik so Bernadette and Marcus can be present for the birth. Derik will also be staying with me until Angel and the baby are released from the hospital, he's so excited about staying with me and Anastasia that he has already tried to pack himself a bag.

"If everything goes according to plan, I might be able to come up around the Fourth of July," I offer to her.

"You know, that would be perfect!" I can hear the smile in her voice, certain she's already making plans. "I can book the flight for you," she thinks aloud.

I chuckle to myself and surrender to her excitement. "Yeah, that would be alright, but, again, only if Angel delivers on time," I set the perimeters.

"How is Angel?" Tyka asks.

"Huge!" I laugh, not envying her one bit, that last month was hell.

"I bet!" Tyka laughs herself. "Well, keep me informed, and I'll start looking into flights. Don't you worry 'bout a thing," I can tell she's anxious to get started when we say our goodbyes.

Ever since I had agreed to the visit, my emotions waver back and forth like a teeter totter. Deep down, I know the visit, and getting away, will be a good distraction for us. On the other hand, though, I have unfinished business to attend to while I'm there, and I'm afraid that may turn the whole trip into a somber experience.

Anastasia starts to fuss, pulling me from my thoughts. I quickly remove my gardening gloves and crawl from the ground, it's feeding time. Her fussing stops almost as fast as it had started, now replaced by the baby babbling and gurgles I have grown more and more accustomed to hearing lately. I pause on the top step when I see what has distracted her.

A monarch butterfly sits in the center of the bug screening I have stretched over playpen, lazily opening and closing its perfect wings above Anastasia's head. She is in awe, her big hazel eyes wide as she watches. She attempts to 'talk' to the insect before she reaches out trying to touch it. I grin as I take pleasure in her innocent wonder, knowing she can't hurt the butterfly, I watch the interaction play out before me. The butterfly shows no desire to fly off, even when I approach and stand at the side of the playpen.

"But-ter-fly," I say softly, pronouncing each syllable.

Anastasia makes her noises in response, then smiles and bounces when she sees me, but her eyes are drawn back to the colorful bug. I, too, am left watching in wonder as the butterfly stays directly over the child's head. "She is beautiful," I admit to the insect, "but I don't believe she's what you're looking for," I say aloud as I slip my hand along side of it. The butterfly doesn't fly away, instead, it crawls onto my fingers, continuing that slow movement with its wings as it turns to face me, this occurrence brings squeals of delight from Anastasia.

I study the monarch with a frown, "Isn't it too early for you?" I manage to ask before the butterfly's wings flap twice more, then suddenly quickens before it takes flight. It loops over us in a wide circle before it disappears into the trees. Anastasia giggles and vocalizes below as I stare off to where the butterfly had flown.

"That was seriously odd, my dear," I say to her as I pull the netting from the top of the playpen and lift her out. She scans around, looking for the butterfly as I carry her over to the glider chair and sit down. Once I have bared a breast, she soon forgets about the insect, latching and feeding hungrily while I gently rock the chair and scan the trees. "Seriously odd," I whisper again when I see no signs of our little visitor.

*******

Later in the evening while Anastasia is playing under her busy gym, I Google: odd butterfly encounters. A list of interesting links appears and I chose one from the group. The Ask-Angels.com site name intrigues me.

"If you're seeing butterflies, you may want to ask yourself what changes you're needing to make to live more in alignment with your authentic truth.

What could you do to live with more joy and freedom? What could you do that would light up your soul and invoke a sense of joy and wonder?

Or perhaps you're already experiencing huge changes and transformations in your life, and the butterfly is simply appearing to remind you it's all going to be okay. Transformation is a normal part of life, trust in the process, and rest well knowing that the gentle medicine of butterfly is helping to guide you through."

I reread the article again and sigh. You're just being foolish, I tell myself. It was just a butterfly. I look down at Anastasia, then back to the article, the questions are deep and beg to be answered. I had been yearning for a little more fulfillment in my life lately, since it seems like I should be doing more than just focusing on Anastasia and myself, but what? I cancel out the tab, I guess I have some thinking to do.