My LOVE is Forever (Book 4-1st Alternate Ending)

Part 57

As the months pass, I start to get more and more comfortable with being a new mom. It's not hard to stay all-consumed in our little world, just focusing on our needs while the rest of the world carries on around us. I'm thankful for Anastasia's distraction since there has been so much in the press lately with the happenings of Prince's estate. With the shot-gun opening of Paisley Park to the public, I have chosen to avoid any outside information other than what I feel compelled to ask Tyka about, and for the sake of my sanity, that is very little.

The grieving and loss is still so raw to me, that even when I try not to pay attention to key dates, it's almost as if it's woven into my being to feel the pain. When March had rolled around, my heart broke a little bit more when the date of Anastasia's conception, also being the date I had signed our divorce papers, leaped from the calendar page to mock me. I was numb, for lack of a better word, a majority of that day, leaving Anastasia unusually fussy. As we went through our daily motions, I soon found the only thing that soothed her was playing the CDs Prince had made for her. The sound of his voice and his dialog between songs, unfortunately, had the opposite effect on me, causing me to choke up, or sob uncontrollably in spurts.

Somehow, we managed to make it through March and into April, and I was just starting to breathe again when Tyka shared the news of the upcoming celebrations planned at Paisley. Even though Prince had said once that he would celebrate the day he died, the thought of an actual celebration on the date and the place of his death seemed absurd to me, but I kept my thoughts to myself. I know that everyone grieves differently and I try to tell myself that this increased revenue and interest will most likely help preserve Paisley Park and Prince's legacy.

Legacy the word repeats itself in my head as I fall silent, looking down at Anastasia, I forget about being on the phone with Tyka. "Dana? Are you there?"

Her concerned voice pulls me back. "Yes, I'm sorry. My mind wanders, Tyka," I laugh.

"You should come up," she suggests softly, "See and feel all the love from the fans, it's really quite therapeutic."

"No, not yet," I whisper, "I'm not ready yet." Plus, I think to myself, Prince's most recent ex wife, hanging out with his sister and toting around a baby that exactly fits the possibility timeline, would not bode well for our confidentiality.

"It's okay, Honey, take your time," she whispers back.

We say our goodbyes and I call Angel immediately after, needing to transfer my thoughts to something other then the impending date. When Angel answers, I practically blurt out my question without even going through pleasantries, "Can I come over for a bit?"

Angel laughs, "Of course, as long as you bring the baby."

"What choice do I have?" I laugh, "I'll see you soon."

Soon, another word that repeats itself in my head, the definition has drastically changed since Anastasia was born, I laugh to myself. With a quick check to her diaper bag, and some very basic attention to myself, I strap us into the car and drive the short distance to Angel's house.

Angel chuckles as she meets us at the door in her pajamas. "I glad to see you didn't go through a lot of fuss for me," she says as she steps back to let us in. I look down at my oversized T-shirt and yoga pants and shrug.

"I wouldn't talk," I indicate her pajamas. "You know, Prince would lose his mind if he knew I left the house this way," I say as I drop Anastasia's diaper bag unceremoniously to the floor, followed by my purse.

Angel smiles sadly, she knows exactly why I'm here, my words have just indicated that Prince is still so present in my mind. "Well, take a load off," she says as she crawls back onto the sofa. For the next few hours, I basically hang at Angel's house as we binge on Netflix, content with the distraction and company as I tend to Anastasia's needs. I don't overstay my welcome, though, even though I know she doesn't work tonight, and leave well before the time she needs to pick Derik up from school.

On the way home, a quick glance in the mirror at Anastasia makes me smile as I think about Angel's advancing pregnancy. She's a month into her third trimester, and looks even bigger than I did at that time. When I mentioned that to her, she said it was because this was her second child and this was normal to look bigger. Angel was excited when she found out she was having a girl, and Marcus, who said he had no preference, beamed with happiness when they shared the news with me.

"And," I reminded them, "It will save you a ton of money with all of Anastasia's hand me downs."

Angel laughs, "That will help for sure." I know Marcus has a decent job, and probably a nice little nest egg even after purchasing their house, but their second income is soon to become non existent. Angel is not a full-time employee at the restaurant, and won't receive a paid maternity leave. Things could get tight, fast, and I'm more than willing and happy to help out any way that they'll allow me to.

Derik is beyond excited about being a big brother, although his initial desire was to have a little brother, after several encounters with Anastasia, he finally agreed that having a little sister might be fun after all. Now, I laugh, remembering back to when Angel shared the news with him, because this prompted a million questions about how these babies keep getting into our tummies. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during that discussion, but Angel assured me she kept it vague. "At his age, there is no need for details," she told me, "I'll have Marcus sit down with him later, when that time comes."

"Awww, come on, Angel, no rabbits?" I jest. Let me tell you, one glare from this little pregnant woman is enough to stop anyone in their tracks. The subject gets dropped immediately.

Back at the house, I'm in much better spirits after my visit with Angel, and pull out Anastasia's screen covered, portable bassinet. At least there is no snow in April down here in good ole Tennessee. Matter of fact, it's time for me to start getting things some things ready in the garden, albeit a little at a time. "Baby steps," I whisper to Anastasia as she sleeps peacefully in her little enclosure. I'm pretty sure if I don't just mean the garden, but our life.