The Only Way ✓

33. Discombobulation

Niall

It had all felt so real, in my reach. My heart ached just a the thought of how real it had all felt. My fluttering feeling in my chest told me she had been in arms reach. My mind told me it was nothing more than a figment of my imagination. My Kenzie had been inches away from me for just a brief moment. My eyes had seen her, my ears recognized her voice. But it hadn't been her. In my hands, there was a pale cold body, red haired and blue eyed. 

"Niall, c'mon we need to get our luggage downstairs now, no one's coming for it," the sudden outburst broke me away from my tormenting thoughts just for a second. No matter how long I ruminated on the idea that I had in fact seen Kenzie, felt her so close it all faded into nothingness. My heart had been given a false sense of hope because no matter how much I wanted to have Kenzie before me, she was dead. I knew she was dead. I had accepted it. Yet, I broke. 

"Niall what the hell? Did you not hear- Niall?" The rest of the guys, they all knew she was gone. We had accepted she was dead. Yet, for them it hadn't meant getting over her, the idea- the possibility she was here with us. I accepted she was dead. I accepted that we had to move on despite the others deliberation. Even with their present girlfriends I knew they still held onto Kenzie. I knew deep inside Kenzie would have wanted us to let go and I had. Ultimately, it was like letting go of thread- didn't mean it leaving. It all come down like hail crushing me- crushing my mind- my heart. I was seeing things. I was imagining her. 

"Niall, are you okay?" I felt a hand tug my shoulder and I turned in acknowledgement.

"Huh?" 

"What's wrong?" Harry took a long look at me and resumed to give me an unreadable expression. All of them had become accustomed to wearing those expressions like they were outfitts. I didn't even think to ask them if they had experienced what I had knowing that they would pushed it all away- brush me off. That's what had become of Kenzie to them, an unspeakable subject. She lived openly in their memories and in their sleep. But she was never spoken aloud anymore. 

"I- I- I. Nothing, just tired," I couldn't think of a way to tell him what I had seen. From Harry's raised eyebrow I knew he didn't believe it.

"Tired?" He questioned.

"Yeah haven't slept these past two days," I answered.  I hadn't lied. I watched Harry carefully as he walked away but not before I caught something shift in his cold green eyes. He mumbled unintelligble things to himself and my ears were keen to catch small phrases. A name in particular. 

"You saw her," I repeated, shocked to hear the revelation. Harry froze in his spot, back turned towards me.

"You saw her too," I said. I refused to stand there with no clue as to how he felt and stood before him. He stared at me shocked as well to hear what was my own revelation. 

"It couldn't be her Niall. It was our minds playing tricks. Our emotions were high and- and-" Harry was flustered. He couldn't come up with a logical reason for the occurence. 

"Wait, if you saw her, did the others..." I asked. Harry who had begun to pace around the room stopped once more and looked straight at me realizing what I had just said. 

"I dunno. I didn't think anyone else had seen what I had. No one said anything so I thought I had seen it all by myself. But if you saw it and I saw it, it can only mean we all saw it." Harry began to think his thoughts aloud and I let him. He paced back and forth, he walked in circles, brushing his hands through his hair. I stood there watching. I had tried to think these past two days for some sort of explanation and had found none. 

"Harry! I told you to go get Niall, not to stay with- what's going on here?" Louis stormed into the room and examined both Harry and I. He glanced between us and my suitcases that laid in front of the door untouched.