Hopeless

Chapter twenty-eight

Alec woke up the next day. He stood up and made his way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water because he was really thirsty. Just when he left the bedroom he heard a silent sound from the main door. As he turned around he saw Magnus just entered the room. "Hey, you're awake already?", Magnus asked. Alec looked around- it was seven am, pretty early in the morning. He nodded:" I was thirsty and couldn't sleep anymore." Magnus shrugged off his rain coat. The weather was pretty bad-typical autumn. "How was your shift?", Alec asked. "Fine.", Magnus shrugged. Alec frowned. "What?", Magnus asked. "Nothing. Usually you tell me a little more. Are you really fine?", Alec replied worriedly. Magnus sighed:" It was a difficult and tiring shift, I just really have to get to bed. Can we talk later?" Alec nodded. He grabbed his phone and sprawled himself onto the sofa. He was bored. Usually he would have stuff to do, but not today. Not since the accident. With every day that was over he knew he was one day closer to recovering. He was so desperate to get to work or at least do something helpful. Not just lay around all day, reading, watching TV, doing nothing. As much as Vivien tried to help him and make his stay at least a little more interesting, she still couldn't do much. He felt the way he felt. He has always drowned himself in work when he had any problems. And now he had tons of problems but he couldn't distract himself from any of them. He was insecure about his relationship with Magnus- he didn't know what Magnus wanted. He hoped Magnus was felt about him the way he felt about Alec, but if not- Alec couldn't risk that. He couldn't say anything. He has said weird stuff to Vivien though and he was pretty sure she was suspecting something. Also he was certain that he would tell her. Soon. She was the only one to help him. Usually he didn't like other people getting involved in his own personal business but now Vivien was really needed. Only she could give him advise. Annoyed of his own annoyance he checked his phone. He had four new messages. One of them was Izzy asking if coming for lunch tomorrow was still on the plan, the second one was a three and a half minute long audio from Jace telling him how he was chased by a duck on his way to work this morning. Alec grinned- just picturing Jace, dressed in pants and a smoking with a tie running through central park was bringing him joy. This five minute long distraction from the monotonous boredom helped. But those were only five minutes. Another five minutes later all the joy was gone. Sighing he opened the third message. It was Clary inviting him to her mothers funeral. It would be in two days. Alec sighed. It could've been his funeral too. Thinking about it made him shiver. His hands began to tremble, his body began to shake. "Hey, are you freezing?", someone asked. Alec looked around- Vivien stood in the kitchen, her wavy hair in a bun, no makeup on and dressed in a gray Pyjama. "No, I am fine.", he stuttered. Vivien did not believe him:" It really is cold. As much as I like autumn, why does it have to be so cold already?" She wandered towards the heating and loosened the screw to make the room warmer and cozier. "That's better.", she sighed and got Alec a nice fluffy blanket. "Thanks." he sighed and made himself comfortable. "Do you want anything to drink? Tea?" Alec shook his head:" No thanks, I am not really hungry or thirsty." "You don't feel that well, do you?", she asked with a concerned gaze and sat down next to him but he drew his face away from her. "Hey, look at me.", she whispered, "You can talk to me. I will keep my mouth shut if you want me to. If for whatever reason you don't want to tell Magnus about your problems, you can tell me. I promise." Alec sighed:" It's complicated." He thought Vivien might leave but instead she cuddled the other blanket and made herself feel comfortable. "That's how all good stories start." Alec smiled weakly, then he started talking. The words just poured out of his mouth and they couldn't be held back by any force. He told her about Izzy and the baby, about Simon and the apartment they bought, which was completely unfinished when he has seen it the last time, about the fear of missing his nephews or nieces birth, not being able to be a strong brother to Isabelle and a strong uncle to the baby, to help them when the baby is there. He told her about his fear going back to work and noticing everything is different. He told her about Clary and Jocelyn, about Jace and all the stress he was going through, easily noticable because of the dark shadows under his eyes. About the guilt he felt for making his siblings to go through all of this and not being able to support them. And after all of that, he told her about Magnus. How thankful he was for saving his life. How blessed he feels to being able to live with him. And about his love, this eternal flame burning inside of him and desiring only Magnus. He told her about the butterflies he felt when he talked about him, the tingle of his skin with every touch. When their looks met the whole world seemed different. Everything seemed so much better when Magnus was right next to it. "I could conquer the world with one hand hand if he held the other. I feel that." Then he looked up and saw a tear escaping Viviens eye. "This is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard anyone saying about Magnus. You two deserve each other."