Hopeless

Chapter fifty-six

Day of the surgery

"It's going to be okay.", Isabelle sobbed and held Alec's hand. "I hope so.", Alec replied quietly. A million thoughts were buzzing through his head. He couldn't sleep last night, thinking about everything he wanted to do in life. Places he wanted to travel. Meals he wanted to cook. Houses he wanted to sell. He thought about all the dreams he had, all the plans what he would do with Magnus once he was healthy and Magnus wasn't as pressured with work. He couldn't have ever thought that there might not be a moment like that. For him, it looked like he was going to live for another fifty years. Or sixty. If he was lucky, maybe seventy. Seventy years. Seventy years he might not have now. He might not even have seventy hours anymore. Not even seventy minutes. Maybe this was the last time he would look at the beautiful face of his beloved sister, hear her voice, touch her hair. Maybe this was the last time he was hearing a joke from his beloved brother, feeling his hand in his own and looking into his golden eyes. Maybe it was the last time he was seeing anything, hearing anything, feeling anything. Before he would go into that surgery prep room, he might take his last conscious breath. Think his last conscious thought. Say his last conscious words. Maybe forever. What do you want to imagine when you die, he asked himself. What were his possibly last words? He had no idea. Probably people thought about it, decided what they wanted to say as their last words to make it count. He didn't. He just made himself one promise: He would say what was on his mind. He would let it all out. He would go to heaven with a Blanc soul. No unspoken feelings, no hidden truth. "Is he ready?", Cat asked as she entered the room. "Yes, doctor.", Jace replied and let go of Alec's right hand, while Isabelle was still holding his left. Slowly, they followed him to the elevator. Maybe this was the last time they were seeing their brothers chest rise and fall like that. Maybe this was their last time talking. "I love you Alec.", Isabelle whispered," I love you more than anything. You were my dad, my brother and my best friend when I had nobody. You were my world. And you still are. You are always with us, no matter what happens. Thank you for every hug, for every word you said to me, for every night you stayed awake holding my hand when I was afraid of the dark. Thank you for climbing all those trees with me, beating up my ex boyfriends and protecting me from fake friends. Thank you for every second I had you by my side. Thank you for everything. I love you, big bro.", Isabelle said, her voice shaking while her eyes filled with tears. She blew a slight kiss on his forehead. "I also wanna thank you, Alec.", Jace started," For taking me in as.your brother when everyone abandoned me. We created a family, just the three of us. You were always my shoulder to cry on, my best friend to turn to and my brother to mess around with. You were my everything, Alec. All I have is because of you and I don't know what I would have done without you. Probably I wouldn't be here without you. You gifted me my friends, my happiness, my life. I owe you everything. And I love you, with all my heart and all my soul. I just need you to know that without you, it will never be the same. I love you, brother. More than you could ever imagine.", Jace said quietly and squeezed Alec's hand. Now it came. The moment of saying goodbye. Maybe for the last time. "It has been an honor to be part of our family, guys.", Alec replied, his voice flat of grief," And I want to make sure you keep smiling. Because I will come back. This is not it. I love you. Take care of yourselves." Then Alec was brought into the elevator, the doors closing shutting him off his siblings, seeing their faces maybe for the last time ever. That were his last words to them. But the hardest part was about to come. "Alec!", Magnus exclaimed as Alec was brought to the prep room. Magnus was already there, dressed like Alec, right besides him. "Magnus.", He sighed and slowly moved his hand towards Magnus who immediately understood the gesture and grabbed it. They were holding hands. Maybe for the lest time. "We will give you a couple minutes of privacy.", Cat said and left them alone with all the machines and first aid kits. "Alec, I-", Magnus started but Alec cut him off:" Me first. I love you Magnus. Since the first second I met you I loved you. And I lived you more and more with every day I spent at the hospital. You were my reason to get going, to keep working, to not give up. Thank you for making the worst months of my life also the best ones. Nothing is too bad to be amazing with you. No matter where.you are or what you do, you always bring that spark to the room that I have fallen in love with. And if this is our last talky I need you to know that as long as my heart beats, it will beat for you and as long as I can breathe, I will breathe for you.
As long as I can think, I will think of you. Magnus, as long as I can be, I will be with you." "I will be with you too, Alexander.", Magnus whispered with a shaking voice, "Dead or alive, I will always be with you. And I will do everything to make you be with me as well. Forever."
Then the oxygen masks inflated and Alec took his maybe last ever breath. Hand in hand, with tears escaping their restless, closed eyes Magnus and Alec were rolled into the OR- maybe for the last time. Whatever that meant.

Ohhh GAWDDDD okay tissues are on me, I cried my heart and soul our while writing this. I hope everyone is okay at this point. Thank you so much for your insane support. I love you guys. Let's keep our fingers crossed for Malec.