Hermitcraft Oneshots

Vintage Beef's Vintage Cuts

Short as hell thingie I wrote in like five minutes.

Tw for slight animal violence
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"..and then you cut down here to separate the fat from the meat. Boom. That's how you butcher a pig."

Beef expertly wielded his knife, carving up the poor pigs remains.

"Now, you don't want to be wasteful, so, you take the bones and tail for broth, the fat for cooking, and I'm sure you could figure out something for the head."

Beef coached a perpetually wide eyed Keralis, who had wanted to learn how to learn how to butcher his own meat.

"Shpank you!" Keralis cooed, "I will repay you very, very soon."

"No need! Knowledge is a gift that shouldn't be paid for." Beef twirled his knife, pointing it at Keralis.

In any other context it would have been seen as threatening to watch a guy with a bloody apron point a knife at someone, but Beef couldn't hurt another human.

"Where did you learn these things?" Keralis asked, smiling a cute little smile.

"Oh, here and there." Beef shrugged, twirling his knife and tucking it into his inventory.

"I love your face!" Keralis blew a kiss Beefs way, he would have given the other a hug but Beef was kind of covered in pig blood.

"Your face is beautiful as well," Beef assured Keralis. "Now go! I have a hacienda to build."

"Goodbye!" Keralis fitted his elytra, "I'll pay you back somehow!" He said, before lighting a rocket and flying off.

"No need," Beef shouted after Keralis. Then he turned around, walking into to his hacienda.

He made sure no one was watching as he slipped into a back room off his home.

He gently pressed the door closed, turning around.

He was then greeted by a couple cats, a few dogs, some ocelots, rabbits, and even a couple llamas.

"Hi guys- no- don't look at me like that! it's pigs blood! Especially you Gellie you eat fish!" Beef tutted at the various animals in his back room.

"Now I come bearing gifts but you can't- hoppsies! No! That's not for- oh well." Beef let out a small chuckle, crouching down so he could feed some golden carrots to a bunny.

He smiled softly at all the animals that had slowly been piling up.

Some of the butchers in nearby villages kept trapping them, and while Beef himself was a butcher, he just couldn't bare to see all of the poor defenseless animals in cages.

Call it a double standard or hypocritical, but Beef liked Beef more than he liked cows.

He liked rabbits more than rabbit stew. 

Simple as that.
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Hhh people have weird double standards and Imma buy into that.

Short as hell but eh-

The stresskall kid chapter should get a second part tonight or tomorrow, then probably some Scarian or non ship stuff.

-yours, fuck Mr. Layne no u ain't getting any context