Longing to Be Known | Levi Ackerman x OC

27

-Kaisa-

The day of the expedition is finally here.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't scared. None of us know what's going on, however, I suspect Levi understands the underlying plan. He didn't tell me directly, but his actions have been different since yesterday which would insinuate that he's been informed. I don't push for any information though, I trust Levi's judgement over anyone else here, including Erwin.

Although I trust Erwin, he is an interesting character in my eyes; I can't help but get a weird vibe from him...something wasn't exactly right. He is very inspiring and also leads the Survey Corps through difficult times, yet even still something bothers me about his willingness to battle even when unnecessary. Perhaps there's something I don't know, perhaps I'm just reading too deep into something that doesn't even exist. Either way, if Levi trusts the man, then I'd naturally trust the guy too despite my suspicions.

Right now, I'm in the kitchen in the first aid cabinet, packing some gauze and disinfectants into the inner pockets of my jacket. I don't think anyone does the same thing, but I always bring some on my person in case someone gets injured without a medic nearby. Most of the time, that was the case. The amount of lives I've saved because of a makeshift tourniquet is more than what it should be. I'm surprised that it wasn't required for each soldier since it's literally the difference between life and death.

But that's none of my business.

"Kaisa." A voice calls me out from my preparation. "Come to my office once you're done." Levi says, walking past me.

"Mmm." I hum in return.

I finish what I'm doing in the kitchen and head upstairs to my room to get my gear on for the expedition. I strap my belts on tightly and attach my ODM gear on securely, softly knocking on the gas tank to make sure it's full. After I double check my straps, I throw my cape around my shoulders, tying it at my neck. This time, I don't have a mirror to figure out what I look like, but I pay little attention to it and instead tie my loose hair into a ponytail with my last hair elastic—I lost all my other ones. I swear that they just disappear out of nowhere.

I leave my room and close my door behind me before walking down the hall towards Levi's room, giving my little knock, letting him know it's me.

"Come in." I hear his muffled voice through the door. I twist the knob and enter, immediately closing it behind me, leaning against the wooden door as it clicked into place. Levi's back is turned against me and he's leaning over his desk with his head down between his arms. Concern is the word I think is best to describe the feeling flowing through me. It's quite rare to see Levi in such a vulnerable state like this one which has me thinking about the different issues that could be placing this amount of stress on the Captain.

"Levi?" I call, walking towards him. "Are you okay?" I place a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He stays in his position for a moment before standing up straight, hands still resting on the desk. I look up slightly at Humanity's Strongest for a slight second before he addresses his gaze to my own, his steel orbs peering into my green ones. I can read that he's making an internal decision with himself, but I stay patiently quiet letting him decide when he wants to speak.

"They believe there is a traitor in the Survey Crops." He says softly. I quickly recognize this as a secret and step closer to him to hear him clearer without giving him a reason to raise his voice.

"Traitor?" I tilt my head sideways.

"Two of Hanji's titans were killed, as in, their throats were sliced. Someone from inside the walls doesn't want us finding out more information about those shitheads." He informs me.

"And this expedition is attempting to use Eren as bait to draw out the traitor in the first place..." I put two and two together, placing a hand underneath my chin as I recall the different maps that everyone received.

"Right. We're going with your plan by keeping the hoods up and some of the maps don't match up..." He continues.

"...Because if the traitor is inside this section of soldiers, they won't have a definitive answer as to where Eren is. This way we can..."

"Isolate the traitor." We both answer at the same time. I look up at him with wide eyes realising that we are going to be susceptible to attacks once the traitor recognizes where Eren is.

"Those fuckers...don't they know how much effort it took me to take those lumps of lards down without slitting their precious neck?!" I bring a hand up to my forehead in irritation.

Levi gives me a blank stare, reminding me my complaints aren't the most important concern for this expedition. I quickly try to change the stressful aura in the room into a lighthearted one.

"That means we'll be in the most exciting spot of action!" I joke, giving him a wink. Levi doesn't joke along with me—he's serious right now.

"Kaisa..." He places both of his hands on my shoulders with a soft hold on them. I look at him in surprise now as he tries to figure out what to say next.

"Please don't die today." He says softly.

My heart leaps for joy at his comment and a grin spreads across my face. I don't know what I'm doing until it happens, but I bring myself into his chest, wrapping my arms around him. I pull him closer to me, taking in his soft scent of citrus mixed with the fresh air produced after rain falls. His body stiffens at my unexpected movement, but eventually calms down before slowly wrapping his arms back around me, holding my head against his shoulder while nuzzling his head into my neck.

"I won't die today, Levi. I promise." I mumble as I bury myself further into his embrace.

"I'm going to have to leave you midway through the expedition, and I trust that you'll take care of my squad." His lips slightly brush against my neck as he talks, which sends an involuntary shiver down my back.

"I'll do my best, but I can't promise their survival. You know that better than anyone else." I softly respond.

"I see. Glad to know you're no longer taking other people's death as your responsibility now." He says, pulling away from me.

He looks away from me when we're finally separated and it's now that I remember Eren's words. Maybe it was true that Levi shows his affections through actions, but just now, he's expressed them clearly.

"We can't regret the choices we make, can we?" I ask rhetorically with a sad smile. I never knew what Levi experienced prior to my arrival here, but the best I can do is try to comfort the worries he has. It seems like everyone else fails to recognize that his rough exterior is a consequence of losing so much. He's the way he is because he doesn't want to lose more, and I understand that more than he knows.

He places a hand on top of my head for a moment and turns his body to the door, walking towards it.

"Also, wash your boots, they're filthy." He complains, throwing me a cloth from the top of his drawer. "You can return it to me later when you've cleaned it." He waves his hand in dismissal, moving closer to the exit when I call out for him again.

"Wait, Levi!" I rush towards him. He turns to face me with a perked eyebrow.

"You have to promise me you won't die too." I say, standing next to him. "If you don't, you'll never get to see the surprise I got you!" I gleam up at him.

"Surprise? Don't waste my time with such petty rewards." He rolls his eyes and gets ready to leave but I grab his wrist, tugging it towards me.

"You didn't promise." I wait for an answer patiently.

"I would never die such a useless death, Kaisa." 

----

hi hey hello!

i popped out another chapter because y'all had me on fire to write more! :D

hope you enjoy :)) 

much love and take care,

~cendiain