Chapter 35 (rewritten)

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Chizuko forced herself onto her feet, "Wh-Who doesn't understand that life is painful? I-In fact, it is painful to persist!"

"Why can the weak do nothing but be abused and exploited?" Chizuko asked, recalling the moments of despair.

Little Chizuko in the mirror was curling herself into a ball on the snow-covered ground. "Punch her! Punch her harder! Mommy said she's cursed! She's the reason our harvest failed this year!" the oldest kid yanked Chizuko by the hair. Burning tears rolled off her cheeks, Chizuko stifled the yelps struggling to escape her throat.

A man at least four heads taller than Little Chizuko shoved her against the wall. "Leave this house now," the wealthiest man of the village demanded. Chizuko stuttered, "B-But... where am I going to live?" With her grandma gone, Chizuko had no relatives to stay with. The wealthy man laughed, "You think I care?But since I pity you, you can working as a maid in my house." Chizuko gnawed her teeth, this greedy man just wanted more land for his crops.

"Why do people I care for don't deserve to see tomorrow?"

"Does Mama not want me?" Little Chizuko bawled, her voice like sandpaper on bricks from hours of crying.

"GRANDMA!" Little Chizuko hugged the gravestone that didn't have any warmth, bawling, screaming, wishing it were only a nightmare she could wake up from, "Wh-Where are you? D-Don't leave me alone!"

Chizuko was kneeling in front of Hina's grave sobbing. The gods had granted her a new family, why were they being taken away so soon? Why did it have to be Hina? Why did Hina not deserve to see tomorrow? Why?

Chizuko placed flowers in front of Haruto's grave. Tears rolled off her cheeks, he was her hero, he sacrificed himself for two people he barely knew. If only she were stronger, if only she dodged that punch better, if only he never saved her in the first place.

"I-Ichika-chan, I'm sorry," Chizuko wept, her forehead was bruised from repeatedly knocking it on the floor, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Why didn't she went out on more missions with Ichika? Why didn't she spend more time with Ichika? Why didn't she care more for her friend, her sister? No matter how many apologies Chizuko made, Ichika wouldn't come back to life.

"Why aren't there any results even if I worked hard?"

"You are doing it all wrong, I assume hard work makes up for talent but I guess it doesn't work for some fool like you," Obanai criticised.

"Iguro-sama! Lunch is rea-" "I'm not free today," Obanai cut in, he was at the door. Chizuko stepped out of the kitchen, blinking her eyes in absolute confusion. "I will be going out for lunch from now on," Obanai declared while darting to the gates. "Iguro-san! Let's go!" Mitsuri's voice pierced Chizuko's chest. No wonder Obanai was going out.

"Why was I even born into this world? Why am I the one who survived?"

Chizuko drew in a deep breath, "H-However, unlike you, I am not ashamed of my pain, not anymore."

"Become a flamboyant diamond, Suzuki," Uzui slapped her back a bit too hard, almost knocking her over, "Diamonds can't be made without the testament of the weight of mountains. Let your dull, unpleasant past transform you into something shiny and flamboyant!"

"You're lying!" Lower Moon One bared her teeth, "Stop pretending to understand everything! How hypocritical of you to claim to sympathise with me when you have no idea what hell I have been through! You are just a faker, idolising the people who have saved your life, living by borrowed ideals!"

"You have no right to step on what I choose to be!" Chizuko felt a surge of anger, "I cannot fully understand what you and your brother have been through, but at the same time you who chose to become a demon will never understand what I fight for!"

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