Arts of Heart (Compilation of OSS)

ART 95

I DIDN'T CHEAT BUT I STILL LOST HER

I have a girlfriend and I'm starting to get sick of her presence.

Yes, I do love her but what she's doing really irritates me. I feel like I have no freedom to do what I want.

Lagi na lang siyang nakabuntot sa akin at nagseselos. Masyadong nakakasakal.

I have no problem with her when it comes to responsibility. Lahat naman ng responsibilidad ng isang girlfriend ay nagagampanan niya. She's sweet, caring and supportive. Many say that I am very lucky to have her. Its just that I felt like she's too much.

"Hindi talaga kayo mapaghihiwalay." I smiled of what her classmates said nang sunduin ko siya sa classroom niya.

"Kapag nambabae lang siya, tsaka niyo kami mapaghihiwalay haha," sagot niya na ikinatawa ko.

I hate cheating. My father cheated on my mom and I'll never do the same. My girlfriend was right, hindi na nga siguro kami mapapaghiwalay because I'll not cheat on her. Not ever.

"Gabi pala 'yong game niyo. Can I come?" Napatigil ako sa paglalakad.

"No."

"Why? Gusto kong pumunta para mapanood ka," nakanguso niyang saad pero sa halip na matuwa ay nainis lamang ako.

"You're not going. Gabi na 'yon. Hindi kita mababantayan baka maulit lamang ang nangyari noon."

I can still remember when she forced me to watch our game kahit gabi na. Nabastos siya noon dahil sa suot niya nang hindi ko man lang nalalaman. Hanggang sa napaaway ako dahil sa kaniya.

"I promise, hindi na mauulit."

"No."

"Payagan mo na kasi ako."

"At ano? Magsusuot ka na naman ng maiksi para makakuha ka ng atensyon? Para magtinginan sa 'yo 'yong mga lalaki do'n? Para mabastos ka ul---"

I feel the pain in my cheek. She slapped me. Hinarap ko siya nang may umiigting na panga.

"How could you say that to me? Hindi ko ginusto ang nangyari!" she said while crying.

Parang pinipiga ang puso habang nakikita siyang umiiyak. Parang sandali akong nawalan sa sarili at hindi ko siya nirespeto.

After that day, she just easily forgave me. Acting like there's no fight happened between us. One sorry of mine then she'll fogive me. Lagi naman siyang gano'n.

"Babe, what do you want to eat? Ako na ang bibili para hindi kana maistorbo d'yan," she said while smiling.

I'm busy playing online games here in computer shop. Halos magta-tatlong oras na rin kaming nandito pero hindi niya ako iniwan. She even shouting and cheering for me and it irritated me more. She's so noisy.

My eyebrows creased because of irritation but I assured that she didn't see it. Hindi pa ba niya ako inistorbo sa ginagawa niyang kahihiyan?

"You don't have to. Umuwi kana at baka gabihin ka pa," malamig kong tugon habang ang atensyon ay nasa laro.

"But you said we'll go out after this..."

I sighed and comb my hair in frustration. I lose the game.

Pabagsak kong ibinaba ang headphone. Mabilis ko siyang hinarap habang magkasalubong ang kilay.

"P'wede bang umuwi kana? Bukas na tayo lumabas. Nawalan na ako ng gana," sagot ko sa kaniya. Tinalikuran ko siya bago muling bumalik sa paglalaro.

Days passed and the scenerio continues. I prefer playing online games than to be with her. But despite of it, she still manage to smile and support me. The time that supposed to be for us ay napunta lamang sa paglalaro ko.

Pero hindi ko siya narinig na magreklamo.

"Babe, balak ko sanang magpagupit. Do you think short hair suits on me?"

Tinapunan ko lang siya ng tingin at muling bumalik sa pagkain. "It's up to you," walang buhay kong sagot.

Hanggang matapos kaming kumain ay hindi ko na siya muling tiningnan. I'm afraid that when I meet her eyes? I will just see the pain because of me. I really don't know what is happening to me.

Hindi na lamang sa kaniya nakatuon ang atensyon ko hindi katulad noon.

I was waiting for her to come outside but I noticed that she's too slow fixing her things.

Dahil siya na lamang ang naroon kaya napagpasyahan kong pumasok na.

I was about to talk about her being slow when she suddenly cry.

"Are you tired waiting? Magagalit ka na naman ba? I'm so sorry kasi nagiging pabigat lang ako sa 'yo," saad niya na ikinagulat ko.

"What are you talking about?" Naguguluhan kong tanong sa kaniya.

She smiled. "Hinayaan ko 'yong sarili kong mapagod. And now she's tired. Very tired. I'm breaking up with you."

"N-no. You can't do this! You can't..." Isaid while holding back my tears.

"I can." She smiled but her tears are keep on falling. "Hindi ko na maramdaman eh. Hindi na ikaw 'yong taong nanligaw sa akin no'n. Hindi na..." she uttered that broke me.

"You never raised your voice on me kasi sabi mo kawalan 'yon ng respeto sa isang babae. Dati you always have time for me to the point na gusto mo lagi tayong nasa labas. You always pay attention on me. You're interested in every single thing about me. Pero parang sa isang bula na nawala lahat. Sinanay mo lang ako sa mga kilos at salita mong hindi mo naman kayang panindigan hanggang dulo," dagdag niya. I could see the pain in her eyes.

I held her hand. For a moment, gusto ko siyang yakapin at pagsisihan lahat. "I love you, babe. I'm sorry sa mga nagawa at pagkukulang ko."

Dahan-dahan niyang kinalas ang kamay ko  na nakahawak sa kaniya. Nakaramdam ako ng panghihina.

"'Yan ka na naman eh. Isang sorry mo lang, okay na agad. Mapapatawad na kita agad. Isang I love you mo lang, bati na agad tayo. Tang-inang karupukan 'to! Nakakagago eh!"

Napatungo ako. She's right. It's all my fault.

"Alam mo akala ko hindi na tayo mapaghihiwalay dalawa but I was wrong. Hindi ka nga nanloko pero binigyan mo naman ako ng dahilan para mapagod sa 'yo." After that she left.

I never thought that she can afford to lose me. I thought she's the girl who'll never get tired of me. Then now, she left me broken.

Sa nagdaang araw ay hindi ko na siya nakita hanggang sa nabalitaan kong umalis na siya.

Hindi lang sa Pilipinas kun'di maging sa buhay ko.

Then reality hits me hard.

Lack of respect.
Lack of time.
Lack of attention.
These are already enough to lose your girl. You don't actually have to cheat para tuluyan siyang mawala sa 'yo.

And in my case, I didn't cheat but I still lost the girl I love.