Arts of Heart (Compilation of OSS)

ART 106

NEVER BE ENOUGH
Collaboration story with Akiro (my friend)

Rodney was known for being a funny guy. He never took things seriously that's why I always ignore him whenever he's talking to me.

"Alam mo, hindi ako natutuwa sa kalokohan mo. Maghanap ka ng mapapagtripan mo," inis kong sabi bago siya tinalikuran. Pero sinundan niya ako katulad ng lagi niyang ginagawa.

"Bakit ba kasi ayaw mong maniwala na gusto kita, Stacey?" parang inis niyang tanong.

"Then prove it to me," I seriously said before I turned my back at him.

Starting from that day, he began courting me. I thought he wasn't serious when he told me that he likes me but his actions are enough for me to believe. Akala ko ay wala sa bokabolaryo niya ang pagiging seryoso.

He wasn't my ideal man. I had a standard when it comes to boys. I prefer a studious, varsity player, serious, and matured one. Totally opposite to Rodney's characteristics-- tamad mag-aral, adik sa online games, maingay, at puro kalokohan ang alam. But I couldn't deny that he makes people happy.

Makalipas ang limang buwan ng panliligaw ay sinagot ko siya. Kilala man siya ng iba bilang 'gago' pero 'pag dating sa akin ay rumurupok siya. He's sweet, caring and has a sense of humor. 'Yong mga bagay na hindi nakikita sa kaniya ng iba ay pinapakita niya sa akin. Making people laugh through his jokes is his way to cover up his own problems.

He proved his love for me by changing himself.  Lahat ng sinasabi ko ay sinusunod niya. Lahat ng inuutos ko ay ginagawa niya. That's how much he trusted me. He was afraid of losing me and it melted my heart.

He's the new definition of my ideal man.

"Napagalitan na naman ako sa bahay, baby," I sadly said over the phone. Tinawagan niya ako para masigurado kung ayos lang ako.

"Kawawa naman ang baby ko. Saglit, 'wag mong patayin. May kukunin lang ako," wika niya kaya hinintay ko siya.

Unti-unti akong natunaw nang marinig ko siyang mag-strum ng gitara. I can't help not to smile. His voice comforts me.

That's what he usually do. He will sing a song when I'm sad.

"I'm sorry, baby. Sinubukan ko naman na i-open kita sa kanila pero nagagalit sila. Ayaw pa nila akong magboyfriend. Sorry kailangan muna natin isekreto 'to," umiiyak kong sambit sa kaniya. Naalala ko kung paano ang naging sagutan namin ni mama.

He hugged me tight then kissed my hair. "Shhh, it's okay. Pero sayang naman, balak ko pa naman kaninang pumunta sa inyo kaso natakot ako baka kasi mga kaldero at kawali ang magwelcome sa 'kin eh," he jokely said, reason for me to hit him.

"Parang tanga 'to."

Kapag may problema, kadalasan dinadaan niya sa biro. Hanggang 'yong iyak ko ay mapalitan na ng tawa.

He's a man who will make me smile through my worst days.

Napakabihira namin mag-away dahil hindi niya hinahayaan na matapos ang araw na hindi kami nagkakaayos. He's consistent. Parang araw-araw, pakiramdam ko ay nililigawan niya pa rin ako.

He always has his own way. Hindi siya sumasabay kapag galit ako. He always calm when it comes to me.

But I thought all of those were enough. One day, I just woke up feeling empty. I started being cold towards him and I know he felt it.

"Nararamdaman kong may something. Hindi ba tayo okay? Sabihin mo naman, Stacey. Huwag naman ganito, oh. Mababaliw ako kaiisip kung may nagawa ako. Tell me, baby.." nagsusumamo niyang sabi bago hinawakan ang mga kamay ko.

My eyes start to become wet. Seeing him doing this thing just hurt me. We've been together for 3 years at marami na kaming napagdaan but this one is new.

I tried to get back my feelings but I just couldn't feel anything when I'm with him. I don't feel the happiness anymore. It frustrates me more. Alam ko sa sarili ko na nananatili na lang ako dahil sa panghihinayang sa aming pinagsamahan at hindi dahil mahal ko pa siya.

From: Baby
          May ibibigay ako sa 'yo, baby. See yah later:>

Habang nasa biyahe ay nakangiti lang siya. Ngayon ko lang hindi mabasa ang iniisip niya pero hinayaan ko na lang. Actually, I felt guilty after I reaceived his text awhile ago. Naaawa na ako sa kaniya.

"Bakit dito tayo? Akala ko sa bahay niyo?" I asked him. Dinala niya ako sa lugar kung saan ko siya sinagot noon. Maiintindihan ko na sana kung may surprise siya but I didn't see anything.

He smiled at me but sadness was visible in his eyes.

"What happened to this place changed everything about me. Dito ko nakilala ang babaeng hindi ko akalaing mamahalin ko ng sobra at makakapagpabago sa akin," panimula niya.

My brows furrowed. I ignored what he have said because I'm afraid that I'll hurt him more. Alam ko na hindi maganda ang patutunguhan ng usapang ito.

"Akala ko may ibibigay ka sa akin, baby?" pag-iiba ko gamit ang mahinahong tono.

I froze when he pulled me into a tight hug. Then there he starts crying. "I love you. I love you so much, baby..." he uttered repeatedly. I feel his pain.

Kumalas siya. Para akong tanga na walang magawa kun'di ang lumuha.

"I thought my love was enough to make you stay and loved me more but I was wrong. You fell out of love, ramdam ko 'yon...you made me  feel that I'm easy to unlove. Na kahit pilitin kong abutin ang standards mo, hindi ko kaya because I was never be enough." His voice cracked. I couldn't talk because he's right.

"I chose your happiness, baby. I chose your freedom. I still chose you even if it'll fucking hurt. Ito 'yong binibigay ko sa 'yo, ang kalayaan mo dahil alam kong hindi kana masaya sa piling ko," he added while his tears are keep on falling.

"I'm s---" he cutted me off by placing his finger on my lips before he wipe my tears.

"Shhh...just 10 steps away. Pagtapos noon, malaya kana. Pinuputol ko na ang lahat ng mayr'on tayo. I love you, Stacey."

I cried more as he started walking. But I couldn't do anything because I know this is what I want-- na makalaya sa taong hindi ko na mahal.

I just realized that I don't deserve him. Habang lumalayo siya ay hindi ko maiwasang isipin kung gaano siya kaperfect na boyfriend.

7...
'He will trust you more than he trusted himself. '

6...
'He's a man who will sing a song when you're sad.'

5...
'He's a man who will make you happy when you're down until your cry turns into laugh.'

4...
'He's not man who's only good at the beginning  because everyday, he still trying to win you over even you're already his.'

3...
'He's a man who will settle his future with you.'

2...
'He will treat you as his princess. He's a man who's afraid of hurting and losing you.'

1...
'And last he will choose your happiness even if it will hurt him.'

Kita ko ang paggalaw ng balikat niya habang naglalakad palayo sa akin. I realized that funny person like Rodney has the softest and bravest heart. Sadly, he was too much for me.