Arts of Heart (Compilation of OSS)

ART 114

I EDITED MY PICTURES SO THE SOCIETY WILL ACCEPT ME

"How to be you po."

"Ang gandaa mo talaga, ate!"

"Crush ko 'yan."

My heart melts whenever I received praises. I just posted my new photos and I gained 1000 reacts, 500 comments and 700 shares for 3 hours. Hindi ko mapigilan na mapangiti at matuwa dahil sa nararamdaman.

I have lots of followers on my social media accounts and I'm aware that it's all because of my apperance. Maraming lalaki ang nagtatangka manligaw, maraming mga bata ang gustong lumaki na kasing ganda ko at maraming babae ang naiinggit dahil sa puti at kinis ng balat ko.

Ibinalik ko sa aking bulsa ang cellphone bago muling isinuot ang mask. My sister asked me to buy our groceries. Bihira lang akong lumabas ng bahay at madalas ay nasa sariling kwarto lamang. Pinanatili kong nakabagsak ang aking mahabang buhok bago ako lumabas ng bahay.

Habang namimili, hindi ko maiwasang mailang. Some people keep on staring at my face. I force myself not to meet their observing eyes and continue what I am doing.

Nagulat ako nang biglang may kumulbit sa akin. My eyes widen as I stared at him. It was our handsome neighbor. My heart beats faster and my mind can't think well. He was my highschool crush for petes sake!

He flashed a beautiful smile that made my knees weak. Lalo akong hindi nakahinga ng maayos dahil sa face mask na suot.

Mas lalo akong nagulat ng imbitahan niya akong magkape. Tinulungan niya rin ako sa mga groceries na dala.

Madalas ko siyang makita dahil katabi lang naman sila ng bahay namin. I often caught him looking at me like what I usually do to him.

"Eli, can I ask a favor? Pwede mo bang tanggalin ang face mask mo so we can take our first picture together?" mahinahon niyang sabi na ikinagulat ko. At first, I was hesitated but later on ay ginawa ko rin.

We took a picture together and that was one of the memorable moments of my life.

Pagkatapos ng ilang araw, nagulat ako nang bumungad sa akin ang picture namin ni Ryde--our neighbor na nagtrend. I cried seeing their comments on it. I was tagged in the photo.

I checked my followers at sobrang laki ng ibinababa noon. From 50k ay naging 10k na lamang. Lahat ng social media accounts ko ay ganoon ang nangyari. Then I felt the bang in my chest.

The people who supported me before became my bashers and haters now.

Dumating na ang kinakatakutan ko. Society not sucks but the people are.

I face the mirror with the tears on my face. I trail every pimple in my face. They almost occupied my face. Sa sobrang dami nila ay nakakadiri na akong tingnan.

Yes, I am not really pretty. I don't have clear skin and almost perfect face like in the picture. I used to use different apps to cover up my pimples. I even used make ups but it was just nonsense, my pimples are still visible and it just makes them worse.

I am not posting my edited pictures to gain thousand followers and to brag but because I want them to appreciate me. I want them to appreciate my beauty even it was just fake. I really wanted to feel appreciated. I want to experience receiving praises rather than hurtful words because of being ugly.

I gritted my teeth when I saw Ryde seriously looking at me. He was in front of our house. He keeps saying sorry and he wants to talk to me.

Simula nang ipost niya iyon ay hindi na ako nakakain ng maayos. Hindi na rin ako lumalabas ng bahay. Wala akong kinakausap na kahit na sino at mas lalo lamang ang kakaunting kumpiyansa sa sarili na mayroon ako. Nahihiya ako para sa sarili ko.

Mabilis ko siyang binaba at binigyan ng sampal. Hindi siya lumaban. Hindi ko inalintana ang lamig ng gabi na yumayakap sa aming dalawa.

"Ano masaya kana? Nasira mo na ako. Napahiya mo na ako. W-why did you do that to me? 'Yon na lang ang kasiyahan ko pero ipinagkait mo pa sa akin," umiiyak kong sambit.

I hate him. He ruined everything.

Naramdaman ko na lamang ang kaniyang yakap. His warmth hugs calm my heart.

"I did that because i have to and I didn't regret it." He cupped my face. Our eyes met.

"You are beautiful, Ellisa. You don't need any application to achieve perfection. You don't need to wear make ups and face mask everyday to cover up your pimples. And last, you don't need those praises to feel appreciated. You know what you really needed?" He stopped and wiped off my tears but my tears are just keep on falling.

"Love and acceptance from yourself. Accept what you have and embrace them with love. Don't focus on the crowd and focus on yourself. Stop making an effort for them because they will find the real beauty in your simplicity and in your heart. Learn first to appreciate yourself if you want them to do the same way. Kasi hindi mo mahahanap ang tunay na saya kung hindi naman totoo ang iyong pinapakita. Show then who you really are and wear your confidence. That's the best than any apps and make ups." Hindi ko na napigilan at niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit.

I never thought that there's still someone who appreciates me. All my life, laging masasakit na salita at panghuhusga ang natatanggap ko.

Hindi ko alam na ganoon ang intensyon ni Ryde. And I blame myself for hating him not knowing he was just concern. He's right, this is enough. I should stop pretending and mask off. I must face the reality together with my pimples.

They are right, there's always one person who's secretly admiring you even how flawed and imperfect do you think you are.

He tightened his hug and kissed my hair before he whispers, "Always remember, you are beautiful not only outside but also within," like his caption on our first picture.