𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒 𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚋𝚒𝚝 III chishiya x female reader *discontinued*

chapter 13

My mouth was gaped open, completely shocked at the words he said and the shiver that ran through me. He was still looking at me with his predatory gaze, waiting for me to react and amuse him. Of course, as he was the master of reality, my hands started to tremble, my pupils dilated, the complete darkness swallowing the minuscule canyons in my irises. I wanted to hit him so hard, feeling the mental breakdown coming from all his overwhelming actions.

I am not a crybaby, knowing and experiencing the absolutes slums of this world, being apart of it too. Never once did I felt mentally unstable during that time of my life, even though the reflection on the memories tells me the inevitable truth. I have been disconnected from reality completely, cutting not only the few people I had in the world but also cutting out my emotional side.

I was cruel, unpredictable, and completely lacked empathy.

I felt numb in the past, never feeling emotions as others described, trying to fake them in order to please others. But the feelings were there, waiting for the vulnerable moment where my inner walls crack, before bursting out in ways that I'm scared of.

And crying wasn't my cup of tea, the gun on the couch calling my name seductively.

I smiled, the sudden realization of the fact that my true colors aren't the brightest, peeking from behind the persona I put on unintentionally made me only more aware of my abilities. My eyes blackened even more, the spark in them dimming. I walked up to Chishiya, his whole body turned away from me.

The boy felt a hand on his shoulder, immediately stiffing at the contact, hating when people touched him for no reason. Her fingers grazed his bare skin, his body physically reacting to the coldness, sending shivers down his spine. He was about to turn his head to her, asking what the fuck was she doing when a voice interrupted his plans.

„No stripping today Blondie," her warm breath hit his neck, flinching at the very odd emotions running through his mind „maybe next time." she finished after a small pause, before retracting her hand from his back. Her fingers grabbed the clothes from his bed where she threw them before approaching him, and then swiftly left the conflicted Chishiya alone and motionless.

„Interesting." he mumbled before he let out a hmm sound, smiling at the interaction. He was impressed at the play she did for him, nodding his head along with his thoughts. The man then looked at the book on his bed, grabbing it and laying comfortably back on his mattress, finally turning the page without any other interruptions from the girl.

I quickly walked out of his room, shutting the door behind me not looking back, and stepping into the bathroom. I leaned my back against the graffiti decorated wall, sliding down and landing on my butt. 

I put my head in my hands, distraught about the way I acted, feeling the old numbness slowly making its way into my mind. I don't want to become the monster I once was again, even with the circumstances of this world. The rotten memories flashed in my head again, his dead body mocking my existence.

I forgave myself a long ago, but his unfocused eyes staring at me without blinking were never forgotten.

I shook my head, beating my head with my hands and gripping my hair, hating how Chishiya completely destroyed the little sanity I had left. I wanted to hurt him, hurt him bad, but I knew I wouldn't actually do it, just the intrusive thoughts coming undone once again. I need to calm down.

I focused on the drawings next to me, the precise lines creating an eye, gazing to its left, right at me. It was deep red, the abstract colours replaced the bland tones of human skin. It was beautiful. I smiled, my mind finally calming its turmoil, the screeches of violence only echoing somewhere far away. My hair fell into my face, my pupils focusing on each little strand, some dark, and some light but still the same. I spent around 20 minutes there, dissociating and shoving the undesirable, resurfaced feelings back in their place.