𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒 𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚋𝚒𝚝 III chishiya x female reader *discontinued*

chapter 54

It is always hard to leave something behind, abandoning the things that you once really liked, admired, hated, despised, praised, used, gazed at. Whatever was the emotion connected to it, you still had this relationship, this connection that was created solely on the fact that your eyes landed on it. And the small fraction of a second, where the destiny chose its path, was embedded forever in your mind.

It was with all the things in the world, every little small object, a random stranger, an animal. People don't notice the small sparks that are created as your eyes skimmed the world, and the biology itself doesn't allow us to see, to remember them.

But not all humans are strangers, not all can be forgotten.

The faces merge together, the bodies collide, the laughter mixes together with the cries in most cases. It's all this big mess that nobody can see through, the haze making the passion seem less familiar. And it was this when you don't see the spark, you just feel it in the midst of the attraction.

I would be lying if I say I have ever felt it graze my skin, not an ounce of emotion in my heart as I reminisced the times, - forever in nowhere, the faces,- hidden, the bodies,- killed, the laughter,- sinister, the cries,- haunted. I always regretted, being the opposite of how I should be. Because I was the only one who remembered but acted like I didn't see.

I lied, to others as to myself. And maybe, it wasn't because I was scared of consequences, but maybe that I finally saw the spark, with my own two eyes, even if the time wasn't right. It wasn't right. It never was right. The things I did and never told.

Guilt was my biggest enemy, like a poison going through your veins and the thought that it was your fault, your suffering, your mistake made it seem more painful than it was. People can learn how to suppress it though, even kill it forever, before they were even born. And the little light traveling in neurons in your brain, weren't on the right railways, causing them to explode in places that weren't right.

They weren't right. But they are justified. They are simply a part of biology...

The biology that I so despised, the things I have never understood, the thoughts that ran through my head without a reason. And the actions I have taken, aren't tainted in my mind. They were simply humorous, morally malicious, and to some extent experimental. What's so bad about thinking the wrong way?

At least you are not like the rest, and maybe, you discover why are we all so vile when you indulge in the darkness. And yes, the sparks will cease to exist in the black hole of humanity, and maybe some of us aren't going to see them as the light doesn't coerce into the night.

But that is okay. It's okay!

Because, I smiled, sometimes magic happens, something that cannot be explained, so cruelly illogical in my head that it makes me laugh the hardest ever. One who crusades on the palate of the smoker's mouth, the one who finds the interest in the cigarettes, even with the damage in front of his eyes.

And with nicotine, doesn't come a spark that you feel, but a fire flame that burns your lips - and he wondered if it was worth. But as a medical student, a smart one, he knew that addicts always come for more, even if years of departure, the yearning still the same.

The boy just had to figure out, if it was worthy to fill his lungs with smoke and inhale her whole.

But maybe, the girl thought the same, as she walked through the empty hallways, looking for no one particular, lost in her thoughts. She was stressed, and she did smoke sometimes because of it, but Y/N remembered the one time, when Chishiya told her how damaging it was, to force the poison in your body. Guilty.