𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚎𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒 𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚋𝚒𝚝 III chishiya x female reader *discontinued*

chapter 52

It was unbelievable. The feeling that I got every time, the shivers dancing on my spine, the physically painful ache I got. They were symptoms. Symptoms of something deeper than a simple word, the idea exciting yet completely inappropriate. It was like screaming your lungs out, for the sake of having a moment of faked freedom, perhaps importance.

 But you cannot scream forever, and the heated pain in your chest that for some gave hope of not being numb will always disappear. Heal even.

I realized just now, as my hand softly caressed Chishiya's cheek, for few minutes his permission not needed or spoken, that the real rush of life isn't loud. It is quiet, so timid, a mere whisper that your ear catches only rarely, but still, it was the sweetest sound.

Love.

It was foreign, even if I met the feeling every day. A stranger that was at every corner yet, for me, unreachable. It would be pathetic to hate the idea, even if I didn't understand it myself, I knew it was real. I didn't bother to discover the depths of it though, as no one was there to lead me through it. And to go down the path alone, was something I was destined for.

The biggest misconception that all people had about me, was something I initiated, sparked. But, I couldn't figure the mystery out myself, as I became someone I wasn't the minute I was born. How can you say the truth about something that is yet not finished? That is in the midst of quiet chaos?

And the questions that did sometimes came into my mind, irritated by the existence of them, were answered. And she was the one who said those sweet words of knowledge, and I the one who let himself be lectured. I did value education, didn't I?

Our mouths departed, the heavy breathing caused by the mutual needs echoing between the two of us. I could only see the scenery around Chishiya as mere smudged colors, blurring in and out, the high messing with my mind. My hand was still on his soft skin, so faintly touching his cheek, still not believing that this was happening.

He wasn't smirking or smiling, the amused glint in his eyes replaced by the blueish hues from the lights around us. They were empty as if they have seen the horrors that haunted everyone in their nightmares. But still, they were the most beautiful piece of emptiness I have ever gazed into. The endless universe, something beyond stupid stars and planets, only darkness that seemed so hopeful.

And when he was hopeful, I was too.

I gently brought my fingers to the rogue strands of his whitish hair, slowly hooking them behind his ear. His hand on my waist tightened at the action, one of his eyebrows slightly twitching as the two masterpieces followed every one of my movements. He was like an unintentional predator, not even realizing the depth his gaze had.

„I-" a breathy mumble came from my mouth, wide opened with nothing more to say. I wanted so badly to tell him about every nerve he ignited, every memory that he embedded in my mind, every time he angered me, frustrated me, made me laugh, for fucks sake, he made me feel more alive than the life itself...

And the way he stared at me, still no expression on his face, looking almost lost as his hand glided softly on my shoulder. My eyes burned a little, as the overwhelming need to show him that he was the one that choked me up from inside, frustration evident on my face. „Chishiya..." I quietly whispered, looking at him beggingly. Understand me, please.

Finally, something slowly peeked through on his face, the blue hues that shined on his porcelain skin slowly turning into purple. And it complimented him so much, as the pain from the way his lips turned downwards hit me, but the beauty of the moment never disappearing.