suicidal maniacs

Two-Faced Snakes [chapter 50]

ok, so i see u guys are struggling so i'll lower the amount of votes. how about 2.5k? that seems a bit more manageable, right?

"What do you mean I'm not allowed to give people surprise snake attacks!? I used to do that all the time, so why stop now?" you asked frantically, practically on the brink of pulling your hair out.

"Because I can't supply you with any more snakes. I'm starting to have trouble finding them," Sasha replied with a small sigh.

"THAT'S WHO YOU KEPT GETTING SNAKES FROM?!" Eren yelled from beside you, causing you to flinch from the sudden noise.

The squad was in a wagon, riding towards the wall where they were gonna execute the plan made the night prior. The giant titan had already made it pretty close to the wall, meaning the plan was going to happen a little while after the ride to the top of the walls was over with.

"Yes, but now I won't be able to threaten people with my army of snakes," you sighed.

"Did you say army?" Jean asked, looking up from the map him and Armin had been looking over.

"It's not an army anymore," you sighed, but it was a longer and much deeper one this time.

"What a relief," Jean let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"No it's not! I can't threaten people with that anymore," you pouted.

"That's good for us," Connie shrugged.

"Sure, but what about ME? I don't have any snakessss," you whined, drawing out the last syllable. (... orochimaru🐍 or however you spell his name)

"Sorry, but for the sake of the rest of us, I think this is a good thing," Eren said softly as he laid your head in his lap.

"But I want my snakes..." you trailed off, leaning into Eren's touch when he started massaging your scalp.

"But you can't have snakes," he replied.

"Fine," you sighed out as you pouted ever so slightly.

"Anyways, how much longer until we get there?" Connie asked.

"About 10 minutes," the person driving the wagon responded.

"Ok, thank you," Connie said, using his best polite voice he could.

"You two-faced snake," Sasha glared at Connie.

"Uh- What?" Connie asked, just as confused as everybody. Well except for you and Mikasa who had a vague idea of what was going to happen next.

"You talk to us so rude, yet to them like their an angel or something. How can you be so mean to us?" Sasha asked.

"It's easy when half of you are equally as mean to me," he shrugged.

"What about the other half?" Armin asked.

"I try to be nicer, but sometimes things slip," Connie responded, "And why are you only getting on my butt when y/n is the same way?"

"Huh?" you asked while looking up from playing with Eren's fingers. You did that a lot when you were really anxious or just bored, and currently the latter of the two was true.

"Y/n isn't a two-faced snake?" Sasha said in a more question-like format.

"Yes she is," Jean defended Connie.

"How so?" Mikasa asked while narrowing her eyes at the two males sitting opposite of her.

"She can be the nicest person in the world when it comes to kids, Historia, and Armin, but as soon as she talks to anybody else, she's a whole new person. And a rude one at that," Connie reasoned.

"I see it, but don't call her that," was Eren's response to the reasoning.

"But she is one!" Connie replied.

"Well use a different name for her. You make her sound like a bad person when you say it like that," Eren said.

"Oh, ok," Connie nodded before looking off into the sky, but his head snapped back towards Eren a few moments later, "WAIT, ARE YOU CALLING ME A BAD PERSON?!"

Eren looked Connie up and down before raising his eyebrows slightly and slowly moving his eyes to the side, putting his eyebrows back in their regular position in the process.

"Ooh, the amount of sassy energy radiating from that look..." Sasha commented.

"Oh, so you think I'm a bad person?" Connie asked, not expecting an answer from Eren.

"Yes," you nodded while sitting up from Eren's lap, snaking your hand into his in order to not have to loose contact with Eren in any way.

"Damn, way to be blunt," Mikasa said quietly.

"Compared to you, I am not a bad person. I could even be considered an angel when comparing our actions side by side," Connie retorted.

"Sure, but people like me more, so I get more points," you said while sticking your tongue out at him.

"People don't like you more..." Connie trailed of, "Right?"

"Look dude, because she's my girlfriend, I'm naturally going to say I like her more. And it's true, sorry," Eren replied.

"I like you equally. Who would make the dumbass trio with me of neither one of you were there?" Sasha asked.

"Meh," Armin shrugged.

"I like you better," Jean pat Connie's back.

"I'd have to say y/n is, but you're alright I guess," Mikasa shrugged.

Connie gasped, "I'm on better status with Mikasa than I thought!"

"I take it back..." Mikasa tried to say.

"Nope, too late. It came out of your mouth, so it's too late to take it back," Connie whistled happily.

"Go die," Mikasa groaned while dragging her hand across her face.

"And I took that shit to heart," you muttered, causing Eren to squeeze your hand.

"No," Eren whispered to you while shaking his head.

"Yes," you replied while nodding.

"Y/n..." Eren murmured.

"Stop it, you're gonna make me feel bad," you turned away from him.

"That's the whole point," Eren replied while nuzzling his nose in the crook of your neck so you know you can't get away from him that easily.

And where was Levi in all of this?

Knocked out in the front seat of the wagon, sitting directly next to the driver.

Poor man hadn't slept ing the last few days. He was catching up on some well deserved sleep. Especially after having put up with your bull shit, but he didn't mind when all you could do was make this man think living might actually be worth it after all.