Her Portrait Is Black and White

A Bleak Moment

Tina walked into the studio, turning the lights on. She looked around at the blank convenes that she'd not used yet. She slowly picked up black, dark blues and darker colours. She was ready to make a bleak piece. She'd woken in the middle of the night, her mind had been racing, she knew she needed some alone time.

Tina started to prep the paints and then sat on the floor, starting in the corner of a large canvas she started to paint. Losing track of time as she worked. She just wanted to rid her mind of the dark thoughts that were filling it once again. She slapped the pain onto the canvas, watching as it dripped leaving amazing stained lines. She hated feeling this way. She wanted to be normal. She wanted the chance to enjoy her family without thinking they would be totally and utterly better off without her but she knew that wasn't going to happen. These bleak, dark days would always catch up with her.

She was lost in the darkness when she saw movement in the corner of her eye. She looked up and saw Bette, dressed in a white tank top and PJ bottoms. Her feet in slippers. She looked at her wife. Bette smiled softly and saw at once the darkness in her waves eyes. Bette cocked her head to one side and knew at once where her wife's mind had gone. Bette walked further into the studio, knowing that the kids were fine. She walked over to Tina.

"You're loved, you're wanted and you're doing a great job,"

"I'm not worthy of any of this," Tina felt tears in her eyes.

"What time did you wake up?"

"4am," Tina admitted.

Bette gently reached out and touched her wife's soft skin.

"You are more than worthy. You really are."

Tina looked at her hands covered in paint and knew she couldn't really touch Bette, not that Bette seemed to care, she took her wife into her arms and hugged her, Bette was happy when Tina melted into the hug.

"You need rest."

"I need to wash"

"Why don't you go and have a shower and get back into bed."

"The kids..."

"Will be fine, I'm sure Xavier will join you,"

Tina simply nodded before looking back at the canvas that had hand prints and dripping paint everywhere. Bette gently moved her wife out of the room and closed the doors. Locking the studio back up before heading back into the house.

****

Bette checked on Tina and smiled when saw her sleeping peacefully with Xavier beside her. Tina hadn't got back out of bed since this morning. She was having a dark day and Bette was trying to deal with her wife's overwhelming emotions as well as her own. She wanted to protect her, the last thing she wanted was for Tina to break again. Bette wanted her wife to rest and get the sleep she needed. Bette looked at Angie lay in her cot beside the bed, before getting into bed herself. Snuggled up to Tina who turned her head into her wife's embrace.

"I'm sorry." Tina whispered

"I thought you were sleeping/"

"I'm resting,"

"Why are you sorry?" Bette asked as her fingers went through her wife's hair as Xaiver moved closer and pulled his teddy with him. Tina's arm went around him and held him in place, protectively. Bette smiled.

"For losing the plot again,"

"You've not lost the plot ever. We know perfectly well that you're going to have good days and bad days. I love you, and I'm here for you. you don't have to say sorry every time you feel the darkness."

"You've only just given birth to our daughter."

"Yes and this is your first bad day. It's going to happen. I think today we have a PJ day. We can eat junk food, having as slow day."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, my love. Honey listen to me, sometimes we both need to listen to our bodies. My breasts are sore and cracked, my stomach is still painful. I can do with a lazy day. Just us."

"That sounds good," tina yawned as her eyes closed again,

"Sleep, you need to rest."

"I've taken my meds,"

"I know please rest." Bette rubbed her wife's back as Tina slowly drifted back off to sleep

****

Bette gently rubbed her daughters back as Angie rested on her shoulder sucking her fist, beside her Tina and Xaiver were colouring in. they were all filling the extra large master bed they had in their master bedroom. Angie burped and Xaiver looked at his sister.

"Big wind Ang," He said softly.

Tina smiled

"You have big wind too my boy,"

"I do," He laughed as he snuggled deeper into Tina, it was like he knew she wasn't at her best today and wanted to give her all his love.

Bette moved Angie and held her close as Angie took in her family. Tina dropped her head onto Bette's shoulder

"This was a good idea," Tina whispered

"What was?"

"Just being here, close with my family. Its helped."

"Good, if you need days like this we will have days like this. I've nearly finished my book. You're art can go at your pace. Don't panic if you're having a bad day. We can always find a way around it all."

"I'm so lucky to have you," Tina whispered.

Bette smiled. Angie gave up on flight sleep and dropped off. Bette took in her family, watching as her wife and son coloured in. Bette got up and gently put Angie back into her cot and got back into bed, wrapping her arms around Tina, letting her wife know she's loved, wanted, needed and valued.