Her Portrait Is Black and White

Expression

Tina walked out to her studio, she left Bette on the phone to Peggy and Xavier was down for the night, she opened the doors and walked in looking at the large blank canvas on the back wall. It had been there since before her mental break. She walked over and ran her hand along it. Feeling the texture of the canvas under her skin. Her finger trips running along it. She had a bubbling rage. she looked over at her collection of paints, she rolled up the sleeves of the shirt she was wearing.

She walked around for a few moments, her mind was racing. she'd not enjoyed being looked at, being talked about. She knew she had issues. She'd always kept herself to herself. Meeting Bette had changed her life in so many brilliant and delightful ways but at the same time it had lead her to be the centre of gossip in the lesbian community that surrounded The Planet and she hated that. It wasn't something she had ever wanted. She had always lived a quiet life since her parents had died.

Tina took some lids of her paint and picked up one of her larger paint brushes. She hadn't painted since before her break. She'd only been drawing. She'd not felt like expressing herself in this way.

Tina dipped the paint brush into some dark blue paint and then waved her arm, throwing the paint onto the canvas, were it landed she walked forward and ran he fingers through the paint, within minutes she was lost in painting. Mixing the dark colours. It was dark with her anger but she was finding it a great way to relax. Her fingers moving through the paint. Making her feel at one with the painting. She felt like Tina Kennard the artist again.

"Baby," Bette said walking in a soft smile on face.

Tina turned and looked at her wife,

"Hey, sorry," Tina whispered

"Why are you sorry?"

"I..."

"You're painting that's amazing." Bette smiled

"You're okay...?"

"Tina I'm always okay with you painting, it's a very dark piece," Bette looked at her wife's hands covered in paint, the picture was stunning with the mixture of the paints.

"It's my anger." Tina admitted. "My anger at my body for making our son come early, my anger that my mental health failed me, that I've let you down, that I'm the gossip of LA because of one of our friends, my anger over my own flaws."

Bette listened to her wife,

"You've never let me down,"

"The moment I left here in the middle of the night I let you and Xavier down."

"You didn't."

"Bette listen to me, I did. I was selfish. Yes I've got mental health issues but I let them get the best of me. My demons took me. I shouldn't have let it happen."

"You didn't really get much of a choice." Bette said slowly, "Showing your angry this way is a great way of expressing it."

Tina nodded as she closed her paints, she washed her hands as Bette looked at the photos that were spread across the counter, it was the set of photos of them during Tina's pregnancy, there were 23 photos taking throughout Tina's pregnancy. Tina was topless in long slung jeans, Bette stood behind her with her arm covering her wife's breast, her other hand on her wife's hip. Each photo was black and white. Bette loved this set. It showed the changes in Tina's body, the total and utter love on both their faces.

Tina finished washing her hands and walked over to Bette and looked at the photos.

"Would you ever consider showing these?" Bette asked,

"I don't want to sell them," Tina said slowly.

"I didn't say sell them baby, I said show them, as a collection, get some footfall in a gallery,"

"What gallery is going to give me money to show them and not sell them?"

"Bette Porter LA," Bette said slowly.

"You would?"

"Baby we can draw up a business contract, we won't make prints, but we can sell prints of your other work."

Tina picked up the last photo,

"We need one more photograph," Tina said slowly.

"What?"

"You, me and Xavier. Showing that he is here,"

"We can set that up,"

"A really contract for the show, promising that the pictures will not be sold."

"I will get James to get our lawyer to draw it up for you,"

"We can take the photo tomorrow. Complete the set. Maybe put them in black frames."

"Yeah, that would be lovely."

Tina smiled looking back at the painting, watching as some of the paint dripped into the other,

"That piece needs to dry," Tina said.

Bette looked at her wife's work. She was always very proud of her.

"I love you," Bette pulled Tina too her and kissed her lips gently.

"I love you too," Tina wrapped her arms around her wife, kissing her again.

Bette smiled into the kiss. Loving that she still had her wife in her arms.

"You're my world baby," Bette whispered. "You and our family are my world."

Tina smiled and hugged her wife close. Needing to that closeness. Tina slowly pulled away and took her wife's hand leading her out of the studio. She closed the studio up and headed inside, they headed upstairs and looked in on their son who was sleeping peacefully. Tina looked down at her son and gently ran her finger along his face. Bette stood behind her and locked her arms and Tina and looked over her shoulder. This was what matter, her family, her wife and child. Her business meant the world to her and always would. Yet she knew this is what she wanted. This was were she was her true self and where she wanted Tina and Xavier to be their true selves as well.