Her Portrait Is Black and White

Building Blocks

Tina smiled down at her son as she slowly changed his diaper. Bette watched on, noticing how careful Tina was with him. She was talking to him, tickling his tummy and being gentle as she slowly changed a rather nasty poopy diaper. Tina wasn't bothered by it she simply just got on with it. Bette loved that about her wife, she knew that any challenge she would put her mind too it. Tina carefully put a clean diaper on her son and did up his onesie. She then lent herself forward and rubbed her nose against her sons. Making the little guy kick his feet. He loved the attention he was getting from his mommy.

Tina looked up at Bette with a look of complete happiness on her face. She loved being with her family again. Her brain was letting her enjoy the fact they were together. Her medication was making her stable and the fact she was opening up about so many of her feelings was helping her in the best way possible. Tina slowly picked up Xavier and smiled at him. She was starting to feel more and more like his mother. She kissed him as he snuggled into her. She moved over to the sofa.

"He smells so good, I think it's the baby powered."

"It is," Bette grinned. "He always smells good after his bath time."

"Do you bath him or one of the nurses?" Tina was fully aware that Bette got help.

"I do it, every night. I want to do as much as I can for him. He is getting bigger every day. I want to take him in the pool once he is a little bigger. Diana one of the nurses thinks it's a good idea to get him swimming early to help him get strength."

"That's good, I've always enjoyed swimming."

"I know," Bette smiled as Xavier snuggled deeper into Tina, sucking in his small fist.

"I love you and him," Tina said slowly. "I have never known a love like it. I've never felt so alive. Yet I've ruined everything,"

"How have you ruined everything?" Bette asked

"Well by my selfish actions."

"They weren't selfish, you're ill. Mental illness is an illness. It's not like you were just selfish walking away from us and leaving us because you had another family or another life. You left because in your mind you thought it was best. We both know it's not." Bette smiled softly. "I love you so much. I wish I could really express that to you. I hope my actions speak of that."

"You've shown me time and time again that you love me, that you want to be with me. I've never felt as much love in my life than I do with you and him. I can't throw this away. I want to try and be as healthy as possible."

"You are getting more and more stable by the day. You're opening up, you're always going to be shy, you're always going to be anti-social as you put it. You're going to lose yourself in art and you're going to have good days and bad days and we are going to get through it all together. I made vows to you as you did to me. I love you its that simple for me."

"I love you too," Tina whispered. Looking at Xavier. She took in her son, his hazel eyes. His mass of curly hair. She was overwhelmed with the love she felt for him. She was getting emotional. "I love him so much how did I feel like he was better off without me,"

Bette looked at her wife, smiling softly. Today she was seeing the Tina she knew and loved. She was seeing her wife.

Tina kissed Xavier.

"I'll be home soon buddy. I will." Tina said kissing him again.

"We can't wait for you to be home, I miss you," Bette smiled.

"I miss you, waking up alone isn't the same."

"You used to watch me sleep."

"I did and I miss it."

"you will be doing it again very soon." Bette assured. She moved closer to Tina and rested her head on her shoulder and looked at Xavier. In this moment it felt like they were a family, if they weren't at a hospital it would have been perfect.

***

Bette gently put Xavier into his cot and smiled at him, he was sleeping soundly. He was missing his mommy and had woken a number times. Bette ran her finger down her son's face.

"I love you little dude," Bette left the room and headed downstairs and smiled at Shane who had decided to visit.

"I'm sorry about that," Bette said slowly.

"Its okay Bette, I get it your family comes first, is he okay?"

"Yeah I think he is missing Ti, she's been with him all day,"

"How is it going?"

"She's learning to be a mommy. She's amazing with him. I think she's turning a corner. She was a lot more relaxed with him."

"That's good, any news one when she will be coming home?" Shane asked as she drank her beer.

"I don't know, I want her to be okay with coming home, it's baby steps right now. We are hoping she can have a weekend at home shortly."

"Are you okay with that?"

"Yes, I want her back full time," Bette said, "I worry that we are pushing her too soon. People don't take Mental Health seriously. Tina is sick. I can't rush this but I am happy they are allowing to try and come home for a couple of days."

"I'm sure it will be fine," Shane smiled. "Tina is stronger than we all give her credit for. She just needs to be given time. She loves you and Xavier and you and I know it."

"You are right. She's excited to be coming home."

"Just don't push her. take everything a hour at a time if necessary."

"I will, I just want to hold my wife. I've not held her 12 weeks. Our son has got bigger, my businesses are doing well. Tina's work is still due to be sold soon."

"How? Tina doesn't have any staff,"

"When she has moments of breaks at the hospital she's been redesigning her website, she's got her mac,"

"Agh, are you okay with her working?"

"It's not my place to be okay with it or not. I have to support my wife."

"As it should be." Shane smiled glad that her friends ere slowly moving forward.