"Well? What do you think?" Colby asked as we walked to the car. "I just wish my heart would stop hurting." I mumbled as he opened my car door.
"I know, love. It's going to take some time. Just be patient for me." He said then kissed my cheek.
"Thanks for being so amazing." I said and looked up at him. "I just want to help you with the pain." He said quietly. "I don't want you to push your pain down for me." I said with a frown.
"I'm not." Colby said then kissed my head. I nodded then got in the car. When I did this I looked down at my lap, twisting my rings gently.
I had obviously been heartbroken a lot in my life and I had dealt with a lot of grief but this was different.
I felt like my heart was no longer in my chest and like my soul had been ripped apart.
I felt like a failure because I couldn't keep the baby inside of me alive. I felt like I did everyone wrong because I couldn't finish the pregnancy.
I couldn't handle the pressure.
"Do you think it's my fault?" I whispered as Colby got in the car. "No, baby. I don't." He said and took my hand.
"I was so stressed....and I got sick..and we traveled....it's all my fault." I said as my eyes stung with tears.
"Hey. It's not your fault. I'm not just saying that to make you feel better, I'm saying it because it's the truth. I don't want to hear you talk down to yourself again." Colby said then took my hand.
"I can't help it. I just feel like a failure....everyone was so excited but I fucked it up." I whimpered and brought my free hand to my eye, catching the tears that were about to fall. "Violet..." Colby said quietly.
"Y-you deserved better." I said then sniffled. "I don't think you understand how little control you had over this.Remember what Sarah said. This pain will never go away but it will dull out after some time, we just need to remember that this is unfair and it's going to hurt but it's not going to be for forever." Colby said then looked over at me.
"You're right, I'm sorry." I said then looked down. "Don't apologize. I know how hard this is for you and I'd rather you tell me how you're feeling rather than having you bottle it all in." Colby explained and caressed my hand.
"I know. I just hope you're able to talk to me when you're feeling it." I said and looked over at him.
"I will. I'm just still trying to process it, honestly. I think it will really hit me when we tell my family." Colby said then sighed and started the car.
"I don't want to..." I said with a frown. "They're going to be supportive, don't worry." Colby said as I shook my head.
"I just don't want to make them sad." I said quietly. "They're going to be sad but they'll help us through it. I promise, baby." He said then squeezed my hand.
I nodded then looked out the window. I felt bad that I was constantly bringing Colby down with my sadness but I couldn't help it that my heart felt like it was in a meat grinder.
We drove for a little while before I noticed we weren't going home. "Where are we going?" I asked quietly.
"I'm taking you to dinner." Colby said and squeezed my hand. "I look bad right now." I said and chewed on the sleeve of my sweatshirt.
"You're beautiful." He said then pulled into the parking lot of our favorite sushi place.
"I look like how depression feels." I said as he breathed a laugh. "Stop it. Come on." He said then got out of the car. I sighed then got out of the car and looked around, reaching for his hand.
