Codependent

Chapter 52

-------Nightmare-----

I was sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of an empty room, I recognised it as the hydra base and saw the dried blood laying on the floor underneath my bare feet. I tried to speak but couldn't, nor could I move, I could only see hear and feel.

A man walked into the room, some guy brainwashed to torture children, they were all fucked in the head. He didn't say anything and just started to torture me, the same old way to fuck with your brains every day.

I could feel the cold blade of the knife cut through my skin and make warm liquid drop against my skin, I didn't move, didn't even flinch, just stared at the door in front of me accepting the pain and thinking about all the ways I could escape this dream.

I wasn't panicked, it was familiar and less bad than other nightmares, but I could sense everything and it felt so real that I almost thought it was.

The door opened which was new and another man walked in but I just couldn't recognise him, he had a face but as if I couldn't really see it... he walked closer to me and just watched me with fear in his eyes for some reason, this was weird.

He came closer and while the other dude was still cutting me the new guy started screaming but I couldn't hear him, the next moment the other dude grabbed my throat from behind making my hands reach up to my neck trying to free myself gasping for air.

The new guy came closer and suddenly the weird face was replaced by Loki's, what the fuck. He came closer screaming, waving and being in distress but I was just gasping for air still confused when Loki punched me in my face.

------------end nightmare---------

I sat up straight gasping for air and reached for my throat still feeling like it was being held with hands tightly, I coughed and noticed Loki standing up from the bed walking towards the window in his pyjama.

He stood in front of the window with his hands in the air behind his head, I heard him breathing heavily and felt him being anxious and sad.

"What happened?" I said softly and felt my throat being dry as fuck so I drank some water from the bottle next to the bed.

Loki came back with red eyes still in distress feeling his own arms while sitting next to me again looking down. 

"What is it?" I asked confused not understanding what was happening. Loki looked up at me with puffy eyes and took a deep breath.

"I- I was there, I mean it felt so real... I felt your pain, I saw your emotionless eyes staring into my face without recognising me," he said sobbing quietly.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," I said in shock knowing what happened to Bucky happened again, I didn't know how but it did.

"It's not your fault," he said softly.

"I never would've wanted for you to feel that pain," I said feeling guilty and ashamed, I never wish for someone to feel the things I felt...

"Did it even hurt you?" he asked and my eyes widened. "Well not really, I shut it out," I said honestly making him nod and lay down next to me again.

"Shut it out?" he asked confused and worried and I nodded and sighed, I took another sip of water and felt my throat becoming normal again.

"I can make my body believe it's not being hurt, only when I focus and I don't feel nothing, it can still hurt, but... Yeah, I shut it off to feel the pain I'm supposed to feel." I said uncomfortably while I rested my back against the headboard of the bed.