Codependent

Chapter 100

I don't know how long we were standing there, but eventually, I grew tired of Loki's indecisiveness. He seemed to feel all the weight of this decision on his shoulders like it was his responsibility, maybe it was partly, but at that moment it was mostly mine.

We went back inside and told everyone we were going to do it, but I wasn't going to do it as some kind of circus act, and I wouldn't be comfortable enough to do it if everybody would be watching. I let Steve come just in case something might happen but I told him I wanted his company.

We went to the room I was staying in and we sat across from each other on the bed. It felt like we were having a playdate while Steve was sitting on the couch looking at us worriedly. Loki seemed so focused, calming his own thoughts down and his face relaxed making me look at him studying his face.

He opened his eyes again and I saw the hesitation in his eyes, but he didn't tell me his doubts. He did tell me to relax and follow him through my mind in a way, but I had no idea what to expect or how to do that.

I closed my eyes and I felt his fingertips on both my temples, his touch cold but before I could react I felt as if my brain was lit up as if mineworkers were shining their lights through the tunnels. I took a deep breath trying to get used to the feeling focused.

"Are you okay?" I heard Loki ask softly. "Yes, are you?" I asked him as I felt his deep breaths reaching my face, but he never answered.

My mind felt empty as if he was guiding me through a desert with a few trees around us, I saw the things I already knew like we were walking through a cinema, quickly taking a look inside to see what movie was playing. He kept going and going until I could feel my mind resisting going further like it was the end of the hallway.

"Relax," he said as he tried to force through but it stang. I let out a small whimper under my breath but I kept trying to let it go. It felt as if I was trying to squeeze my head into a small hole in the wall and it got stuck halfway with no way back and only pain going further.

And then it got through. I felt the barrier giving in. And nothing happened.

I took a deep breath feeling my heart in my throat in the second of complete nothingness.

As if someone removed one brick from the dam and the whole thing came falling down. My river of memories came flooding. I couldn't feel Loki in my mind anymore, at first he was trying to make it go slower but then all I felt was the memories and I lost him in the flood.

I could see myself jumping around my mother's house, my mom, my dad, his house, the pasta, the basement, the torture, the chains, hydra, Bucky, missions, Steve saving me, me in the tower, Stephen, Peter and all the things that happened with them, Shield, my dad again, and me returning to Hydra and the past 7 months or longer.

But I remembered Loki, finally. The day we met, the walks through the rain, the talks, our fears, the fights, the kisses, the tears and the laughs. The dances, his touch and the voice as he told stories about Asgard.

I didn't know how long this was going on or what my body was doing, but when I opened my eyes I was laying on the bed with Loki's hand on my cheek brushing away tears I didn't even know were happening, while sweat was dripping down my face as well. Steve was sitting next to me looking startled and concerned. I sat up and looked at them catching my breath.

I looked at Loki and his eyes told me he was still afraid I wouldn't recognise him, but I let out a laugh and a cry in one and embraced him letting the tears fall down. I was so happy to really see him again.

"I love you so much, I really missed you," I said sappily and his hands wrapped around my back while he buried his face in my neck. "I love you too," he said softly only for me to hear making my heart jump. I clung to him so tightly thinking I was never letting go of him.