Pretty lady🎀 connie x black reader

🎀53

It been 5 days my son been born and klover been sad because she didn't see us at home Friday.

We was transferred back here yesterday and the trip was the most stressful thing ever.

Connie left to go get her so she can meet her brother. "Mommy"

I turned my head smiling as she came in the door on Connie hip. "Hey baby"

I latched ken back on my nipple while patting his pamper. He was so tiny but also progressing fast.

"Ew"

Connie laughed while I looked at klover shocked. "You call him Ew?"

"He wrinkly"

"He got yo whole face but literally a white version of you"

I was so happy that my looks went to him but he got his dad eyes. "He opened his eyes earlier...they was beautiful"

I scooted over putting klover onside me so she can hold his hand. "Be gentle okay? He very weak and small"

"Call him bubby?"

"I mean if you want to baby I don't mind..he your baby brother okay" i said rubbing her back while she kissed his hand.

2 weeks later

We was free to go from the hospital 2 days ago and we currently living in connie house.

Connie was laying on the couch with kenzo on his chest so I went clean a bit even though I was told to rest. I wasn't in my best mood for company so I did small cleaning around the house and even did klo hair.

"Y/n I told you rest"

"Connie leave me alone please...ain't finna sit on my ass all day"

I rolled my eyes wiping the counter down before throwing the towel in the bin. I heard foot steps behind me following with hands around my waist.

"Stop being so stubborn and rest...I'll clean"

I nodded feeling a kiss on the back of my head before walking away. "Not cleaning the room..rest!"

"Okay connie"

I closed the door getting under his thick covers groaning at the feeling. Even though Connie was amazing at emotional support, I felt like he wouldn't understand how I felt now.

It been almost a month I could've lost my son but I'm so blessed god gave me the chance. Kashi not here to see this beautiful human he gave me and it was now getting to me.

The tears sliding down was something I didn't notice because I felt like my head was clouded with pain and regret.

Every time I look at my son I feel it's my fault he went through the pain. I put stress on myself knowing I was pregnant but I tried seriously. His dark blonde curls and slight freckles was the cutest to me.

Crazy how I got pregnant 3 months after Claire now our babies 1 month after each other.

I'm happy her first child was healthy because this is pain no mother should feel.

Eren hasn't been in contact daily since he knew I need time but he still called to see if I was okay.

I sniffed before I buried my head in the pillow letting out a muffled sob.

Sadly I can't get the feeling out my head that it's my fault...

I feel it's my fault for Connie leaving, Claire leaving, kashi dying, and my baby pain. All in 3 years I experience what pain truly is.

I craved a family so much and this is the pain I got from wanting that.

I truly do deserve the pain I'm burying...

How can people still manage to stick around when I carry such negativity. Eren been holding his feelings in but I notice how painful this feel to him.

Armin looked truly sad him and Claire wasn't together...maybe if I stopped being close he'll be happy right?

Claire had every right to hate me...

But for being a friend to the bother of them?

Connie...

I never asked him how he felt about the breakup or how he felt in general. I have a kid for someone else but felt happiness when we found out Chloe baby was not his child.

'So selfish' I mumble in the pillow

I wasn't the best mother or influencer on klover but I try.

Broke so many promises with her and I'll never forgive myself for that.

"Wipe ya tears and sit up"

I jumped at the sound of Connie voice before wiping my tears. "Constan-"

"What's wrong baby?" He asked with concern written across his face.

I pouted feeling his hand caress my cheek softly, "I feel like shit"

He got under the blanket rubbing my back while I sobbed in his shirt.

"Can't tell you what you're supposed to feel like but I promise you anything you think is nothing compared to what I know...I don't like saying sappy shit but I truly love you and I'm sorry you're going through so much right now"

"I love you too"

"Did you just blow your nose in my shirt?"

"No? Sorry?"

I was playing...I'll never make y'all wait long💕 happy New Year's Eve loves