The Girl With A Broken Mind

Who Am I?

What happened to me. I used to be bubbly. A social butterfly. I was sweet but fierce. I had so many friends. Everyone at school knew my name and waved hello to me in the halls. I wasn't "pretty", but I was awesome! I wore whatever I wanted. Weird or not. One time I brought TMNT masks and ran around school with my friends doing ninja stuff. Everyone looked at me like I was weird but who cares?! I was having a blast. I'd dance and sing at the top of my lungs, it didn't matter who was watching. I was enjoying myself. I didn't get embarrassed. I was told to "grow up". Well I've grown up. Into nothing. An empty shell of who I used to be. I can't look in the mirror without wanting cry because of who I've become. All i see is flaws. Nothing else. Everytime I try to "go out and have fun", like everyone tells me I should do. I come home and cry until I have a splitting migraine. I just stand there watching my friends have fun. I feel like everyone is critiquing every single thing I do. Even though I know they really aren't. I feel extremely grotesque looking. I want to dance like I used to. I'd be the one getting people on the dancefloor! What happened to me?! This isn't me. I let everyone walk all over me because I feel disagreeing is an inconvenience. I have no energy left anymore. Doing the dishes wipes me out. I'm not sleepy. I'm exhausted. My apartment is never clean. I hate when my friend or family comes over because I know they think im lazy. But I'm just so depressed. I'm so exhausted. I'm in so much pain. Most days I spend laying in bed because I cant find the will to go on or even get something to eat. I don't eat until my fiance gets home. Which is around 11pm. I'm not lazy. I'm like a battery on 1% every day. But no one understands. I just want to be me again. Happy, energetic, bubbly me.