The Girl With A Broken Mind

Letting Go. My Last Letter To You.

This is the first time I've truly been alone in a very long time. I've always have My favorite person.  My favorite person is no longer mine. We've been broken up for 7 months. I've only just now began to process that it's truly over. He loves her, my favorite person in the whole world has moved on. After a suicide attempt, my eyes have been opened. I've been jumping from one man to the next to try and numb this dark, sickening, ache in my heart. I was trying to whimsically fall in love with the perfect stranger. Hoping it will make it stop. It never did, only temporarily. No one is him. The pain would come like waves. My head spins, I can't breathe. It's crippling, my emotions flood through me. I can't breathe. I just silently wail, convincing myself death is the only way to end this pain. I've lost a huge part of myself, our souls are intertwined. I just want to go back, now that I know what's wrong with me. Now that I know how to control my emotions just a bit more. I know now what I thought was reality, was only a delusion, paranoia. I know so many things I didn't before. If I could go back, I would have never hit you. I would have never told you I hated you, that I hoped you would die. I would have trusted you, been there for you. You were my reason for existing, my rock, my sunshine. I'm so incredibly lost without you. I'm so disapointed in myself, I spent the precious time I had with you being jealous, bitter, wanting to argue. If I could take it back I would. I'll cherish every memory, every smile, touch, laugh. Everything. I know all you know is us not being good for eachother, but alot has changed. I would never have chosen to break up If I had known you'd fall in love, I thought we were going to work on ourselves and fall in love all over again. How naive of me to believe that right? In a perfect world, you'd be mine. I would be everything I wasn't and more for you. I have to let you go. You're doing so amazing. I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy you've found love that isn't toxic. You're the most beautiful human being. Inside and out. Your soul, it's so blindingly bright. You shine and you don't even know it.