Thoughts of my ex keep running through my head. I miss him, but I'm with him now. I'm with someone new. Someone who makes me happy. Someone who is the complete opposite of my ex. I thought that's what I wanted, I can see now that it's not. I'm still in love with my ex. I've split on my current boyfriend, I've devalued him. I've also split on my ex, I'm idealizing him. What a fucked up situation to be in. My ex isn't the best person for me. But he was home. Home is where I want to be. I feel homeless without him. We had a toxic relationship, we both didn't try. I don't understand why I would be missing him the way I do. I seem to be forgetting how miserable I was. How incredibly lonely I was. The tears I shed for and because of him. The years we spent together were amazing but hell. When it was good it was perfect. When it was bad it was a nightmare. How could I want that? Is it because even when I was my true mentally ill self he didn't leave? We were stuck. Stuck in poverty, self pity. Stuck in an unfulfilling life. We had eachother though. I'd give up my food so he could eat, and he'd do the same for me. We were eachothers rock. Eachothers whole world. We gravitated around eachother. We were inseparable. I want that back. I want my human back. He's moved on. With someone new. She's not taking care of him the way I did. I'm being selfish. I want him back. He's my human. Why did I have to split. Everything was perfect.
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The Girl With A Broken Mind
Random*Adult Content* I'm turning my blog/diary into a book. They are basically diary postings without the dates. They are random postings about whatever I'm feeling that day. Very raw, very detailed about my life. My blog and now this book is to help peo...
