I think what's going on and why I feel so "uncomfortable" in this relationship is because I truly don't think it's going to last. It's been splitting after splitting. I'm constantly devaluing him. In my head it seems for good reason. Like, he didn't text me goodnight. He sometimes goes 5 hours without texting me and I end up having to call because I'm freaking out thinking I've been ghosted and abandoned. He just doesn't see that these small things aren't small to me. I keep explaining to him that they mean alot. And if it's so small to him, why is it so hard to do? I don't understand that. If something takes a couple seconds to do, why not just fucking do it right? I just don't see this relationship lasting. He thinks everything is fine and dandy but every day I'm splitting on him, writing on here about how I feel it's going to end. I'm not going to break up with him yet though. Not until he really does something unforgivable or just gets on my last nerve. Because right now it's just me being petty, sweating the small stuff. It's my BPD acting up. I'm not going to give that a chance to fuck shit up. But there are a couple red flags I can't ignore. I'm watching him. Like him being friends with his ex who still wants him back. 🙄. She still flirts with him. He said he will tell her to stop. Yeah right. It's not like I can even see cuz he won't let me see in his phone. Red flag number two. He said it's cuz he likes his privacy but I think it's something else. This is why I don't trust him. Why I won't let him in. I'm not going to give him the chance to hurt me. But on the off chance that he isn't actually doing anything, I'm gonna stay. For now.
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The Girl With A Broken Mind
Random*Adult Content* I'm turning my blog/diary into a book. They are basically diary postings without the dates. They are random postings about whatever I'm feeling that day. Very raw, very detailed about my life. My blog and now this book is to help peo...
