I want to cut.
Even on great days the feeling of emptiness resides in me. Nothing's wrong, yet, everything is wrong. The loneliness fades, but only for a short time.
Rejection
I can't stop this feeling. What matters greatly to me takes up a small portion of someone else's thoughts. I love too much and it seems everyone else loves too little. I try to teach him how I want to be loved, how I feel I should be loved. It comes off as controlling.
Happiness
I feel it in small doses. I think. I think this is what happiness feels like. I haven't felt true happiness since my childhood. Till it was all stripped away from me. Abuse after abuse. Trust misplaced in the wrong people. Heartbreak after heartbreak. There are times where I feel like everything is okay. I can smile, I can laugh, I can enjoy good moments. Till it all comes crashing down on me. It's inevitable.
Loneliness
I expect too much from people. I put my heart and soul into a human and it's never reciprocated the way I want. The way I need. People don't love the way I do. With their whole heart. Everyone has their guard up. To them, you can't truly love someone after 4 months of knowing them. I can. And because of this, I'm left feeling like I'm too much, too fast. I feel so alone. In a relationship it can be so perfect one moment and the next I feel like I'm the only one putting my heart and soul into it.
This Void
Nothing and no one fills this feeling of nothing inside of me. My boyfriend does as much as he feels he should for the short time that we've been together. I've dived in head first. Hoping that this man can make me feel something, be something more than this broken girl. I've felt like a shell of the girl I used to be.
YOU ARE READING
The Girl With A Broken Mind
Random*Adult Content* I'm turning my blog/diary into a book. They are basically diary postings without the dates. They are random postings about whatever I'm feeling that day. Very raw, very detailed about my life. My blog and now this book is to help peo...
