It's been really fucked up lately in my head. I've paid so much to what BPD does to me I didn't stop and think about what makes me Schizophrenic. I'm so aware of everything it terrifies me. I'm aware but can't stop. I feel like over the past couple years I've fallen off the deep end, and the past month I've completely deteriorated. I didn't know how bad I was. My memory, my ability to process whats being said to me, being able to tell between which sights and sounds are real or not. When people talk to me i don't understand what they are saying, its either jumble or I hear them say something and I repeat it back to them to make sure I heard right and they always ask me how in the hell I heard that. I'm usually never right. Even words and sayings don't make sense to me. They do when other people say it but trying to write it out or say them myself, they don't seem "real". Like I made them up so I go on and on in my head trying to figure it out. It's getting difficult to spell too, I've always been an amazing speller, writer and speaker. That's why I haven't written much lately, it's also so hard to get the words out because apparently I stroll off topic so many times I never get to the point. I continuously lose my train of thought, but I keep going not realizing how much I've blabbered on about nonsense and haven't even answered someones question or gotten to my point. It sucks. I feel like my brain is shutting down on me. Another thing, my ability to make smart decisions and my impulse control are not what it should be. I feel like I'm spiralling.
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The Girl With A Broken Mind
Random*Adult Content* I'm turning my blog/diary into a book. They are basically diary postings without the dates. They are random postings about whatever I'm feeling that day. Very raw, very detailed about my life. My blog and now this book is to help peo...
