The Girl With A Broken Mind

Borderline Personality and A Long Distance Relationship

Are we even capable of such a thing? A long distance relationship seems like torment for someone like us. As of tomorrow, I'm in a long distance relationship for two months. What do we do when the loneliness kicks in? How do we fill that never ending void without our favorite person by our side? Throw in a high sex drive with my inability to control my inpulses. I'd say I'm pretty fucked. I want it to last so bad. I think I love him already. Whenever I'm around him that's all the voices say. "I love you, I love you, I love you". We've known eachother for a month and a half and I already feel that strongly about him. My heart is completely torn knowing I can't touch him for so long. Him being away makes me want to get my life together so when he gets back, we can move in together. I can get away from my abusive family. We can be happy and grow together. I can learn healthier coping techniques, find a job, get my license, get in shape, beat my eating disorder. I feel like I finally have a bit of hope. Something to make life worth living. He gives me that. When he gets back I want to be in better shape physically and mentally. Is it possible to achieve all this in the span of 2 months? Will I split when he comes back and he's not the man I've built in my head. Will I devalue him, or idealize him even more. If he chooses to end it while he's gone I'll probably kill myself. He'd be taking away my only hope that life can get better. That's so selfish of me to even put all of this on him. Sometimes you just need something, anything to keep going. This relationship is it. I can't lose it. I can't lose him. It's been less than two months and I love him. I'd do anything for him. He's my human. He's my favorite person. My reason for living. Dramatic aren't I? It's the truth. He's who I was meant to be with. He's my escape. Please be my escape.