The Girl With A Broken Mind

Borderline Personality and Intense Short Lived Relationships

I tried to do it the right way this time. I wanted to be friends first and it was going so great. I didn't have the overwhelming obsessive feelings. It was nice. We just bonded without anything romantic or sexual. But we had sex and it's all changed. We had a discussion that we were going to remain friends for now so we don't rush into a relationship. Only now I'm flooded with thoughts of him. The obsessive and idealizing thoughts. They are taking over. Why does this have to happen. Sex can sometimes be great. Just a one night stand. It doesn't mean anything. I can sleep with someone and stay just "fuck buddies". But sometimes it can go so wrong and I can obsess. I can "fall in love". Become extremely infatuated. I don't know if it's real or just my illness. This is what leads me to get my heart broken because I can gain intense feelings incredibly fast. Faster than a normal person does. So they can't reciprocate what I'm feeling which leaves me feeling broken. It's just hard to live like this. It's lonely. Short lived intense relationships are just... sad. Will this just leave me alone for the rest of my life unless I change how I think or just simply how I am? How do I even do that? How do you teach yourself to not gain intense romantic feelings for someone? It's not like it's something I chose. I'm not making a decision to do this. So how do I stop something that just simply happens? How do you change your thought process? If I don't change this I'm going to wind up alone...