I guess my life really does revolve around having a favorite person. Everyday in my life without my fp is a constant crisis. My feelings for him are growing stronger. He lets me just be me. He's so accepting of me the way my ex was. When I'm idealizing one favorite person I'm with in a romantic way, I'm devaluing the last. Which is what I've been craving. Nobody understands the power of black and white thinking. You can't just change it because you're aware of it. The 6 1/2 years I spent with my previous favorite person were absolute hell, but I couldn't live without him. We were soul mates, nothing could ever break us apart. 8 months gone and I've been stuck idealizing him. Nothing and no one was ever to change it. I tried to search, to end this agony. The emptiness I felt knowing I'm alone. My favorite person, My reason for breathing is in love with someone else. It cuts me deep, knocks the breath straight out of me, I gasp for air, clutching my chest when I think of him. I wondered aimlessly, chasing highs, danger, anything to stop the blackhole threatening to consume me at any moment. I think I've found him. My favorite person. Being with him, the sheer agony is nothing but a mere ache. He makes me want to breath, open my eyes and look beauty of life. I've been wallowing in my pit of self doubt, misery and shame. I've been the harshest critic anyone should ever be to oneself or any other. I deserve happiness, I deserve kindness, I deserve to move on. Having a favorite person means having something to live for.
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The Girl With A Broken Mind
Random*Adult Content* I'm turning my blog/diary into a book. They are basically diary postings without the dates. They are random postings about whatever I'm feeling that day. Very raw, very detailed about my life. My blog and now this book is to help peo...
