I Didn't Plan On Being Here

1 0 0
                                    

I never thought I'd get this far. I'm almost 24, and I'm only just now starting life. Only I'm stunted. I never bothered to learn certain things or set long-term goals for myself because I never thought I would make it. I'm so far behind. My biggest life accomplishment is graduating highschool. That was 6 years ago. I'm aware of all that I'm lacking, I'm just incompetent it seems. I don't know so many basic things, I started to teach myself how to cook while I lived with my ex but now that I live in a household that doesn't really do "home cooked" meals, I don't get to practice anymore. You say oh buy your own food, simple. I don't work. I want to, but I'm so slow. I'm a hands on learner and so many employers that I've been employed by don't teach you like that anymore. You're expected to be a fast learner and quick thinking. What about us who just need a little bit more help? It's embarrassing. Just having a conversation with another human being sends my mind into a panic about what I'm saying, "why did I say that", "would saying this have been better?", "oh god, I annoyed them". Which then mid conversation I shut down and want to cry. Then there's the fact that I can't keep up. I'm always a sentence behind. It's like they are speaking a whole different language. Now I feel so stupid and apologize over and over because I'm just not understanding what they are telling me. I see their facial expressions and their body language shift. Which sends me further into this panic.

The Girl With A Broken MindWhere stories live. Discover now