So I had insane anxiety and an hour long panic attack at my friends party. I am staying the night at my new boyfriends house and I brought my jar of weed. Well. Everyone saw that and basically wanted me for my weed. Which I realized while I was sitting with my best friend. Who was even annoyed with me because this girl brought her own weed and wraps. But yet they wanted to use my weed to make a big ass joint and I'm like nah. I'm not even gonna smoke that. I'm already too high. So seeing my best friend get annoyed with me that I didn't want to use my weed cuz I already smoked alot of weed at that party. Like I make that last because I can't afford to buy more. Once I'm out, I'm out. But everyone saw the large amount and just thought let's smoke it all. Like bro. I shouldn't have brought my weed out but when we first git there it was just a few people. Me and my friends. Then more people joined in and I'm like fuck man. I don't wanna keep smoking people out all night. Well yeah that just sent me into a panic attack that just wouldn't stop. Then Hella people show up right before the countdown and everyone's yelling and counting down. Someone threw a firework into the fire so I go into flight mode. I'm aware that I'm coming off as different and just that chick who either can't hold her weed, the girl who is being a complete drag because my anxiety or the stingy bitch who doesn't wanna smoke anymore of my weed tonight. Then to add onto it. My bestfriend is acting off. I know me being there with a new boyfriend hurt him because he wants to be with me. I'm aware I show up to all my friends parties with a different guy every time. He sees that and he wants to be with me. Which i chose not to because I wanted to remain friends. I know it hurts him and I know he was hurting by his remarks tonight. I just kept coming off as boasting my new bf but I wasn't trying to. I know he thinks that though. Because we were talking about anal and new bf has a HUGE member. So I was saying that's never gonna happen. Let me find a dildo your size and fuck you in the ass first, then you can fuck me, joking. And I guess it came off as bragging or whatever because my best friend was like "are you just saying that to make him feel good?". I'm like no I've done an anal with guys with smaller dicks and it felt great. I know I probably annoyed him with that. I wasn't trying to boast. Just converse. Idk this whole night just went bad for me. It started great but tonight ended shitty. Happy new years guys.
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The Girl With A Broken Mind
Random*Adult Content* I'm turning my blog/diary into a book. They are basically diary postings without the dates. They are random postings about whatever I'm feeling that day. Very raw, very detailed about my life. My blog and now this book is to help peo...
