When worlds collide - Loki X reader

Happiness - chapter 74

After that day you had spend all week in bed, unable to move. Cuddling up with Loki and the children, they were so goddamn beautiful, every time their bodies brushed against each other the small glimpse of blue spread over their smooth skin. They were your very own gift. They are yours.

Everything was silent, Loki sleeping in the bed cuddled up with the babies on his chest, it was a sight you'd never get tired off, the three of them had a connection you didn't understand, one they shared when their skin touched and their true side came to life. You walk out the door sitting down on the small bench in the garden, it's late summer outside, yet it's still cold... Looking up at the sky makes you realize you're not as far away from the people you love as you might think. You wonder if maybe they're looking up at the same sky right now. You can't help but feel so small when the universe is endless. It's so reassuring to know that even after everything, sometimes you're nothing more but a simple woman... a mother, madly in love with her husband.

Why are you up?" Loki questions

Because I just had my stomach cut open, probably died again, and then came back to life. And all I want to do is go back home, but I don't want my children to be in danger like I was..

That's what you wish you could say, that's what you wanted to say to him. You know the lengths people want to just to get your powers. You'll never let anyone lay a hand on these children.

"Im not tired" you say instead.

"They're restless when you're not around" Loki explains. They're your everything, and watching them struggle at this age is the most painful thing you've ever faced.

"I just needed some fresh air.." you sigh, still looking up at the dark night sky.

"You should write them, let everyone know you're okay" Loki says. He's been trying to talk sense into you ever since Fury came to visit.

"I will... Just not now" you scoff.

Loki sits down beside you, taking your hand into his, intertwining your fingers. "When?" He asks softly. "There's never going to be a good time, I know you love our life here, but you'll never be truly happy here y/n" Loki says as his voice softens.

You can't help but feel sad, mostly because you know he's right, but primarily because you're so afraid they'll never forgive you.. That Tony won't ever forgive you for the hurt you put upon him. The fire it's easier just living this lie forever, that way you'll never hurt him again.

"I'm going back to bed" you say coldly, getting inside. The babies are sound asleep in their bayonets. You plant a kiss on their forehead, as you leave good dreams in their head, making sure they're sound asleep. Then you crawl back into bed. Loki follows in after you, he brings you closer to him. You can feel his heart pounding in his chest. "I'll write them tomorrow" you sigh.

He kisses you softly on your lips, trailing his hand through your hair. "Thank you"

You never thought he'd be the one more eager to go home. But then again he had grown so fond of the avengers, becoming a part of their family. However much he said he still found them annoying, you knew he cared about the deeply.

The next morning you sit down in the kitchen, as Loki is out on a walk with the children. You had asked for a moment with yourself, trying as hard as you could to find a way to put down into words what had happened the last months of your life. It wasn't the writing that was the hard part, knowing someday they'd read them... That was the part that made this so goddamn difficult. You rewrote the same letter over and over again. Until you gave up. There was not enough words in the English language to express the pain you had faced since that day in New York, when you're life turned around. In some ways for the worse, but mostly for the better. And as much as you just wanted to pack a bag and return home, you couldn't leave this behind, there's always another thing back there. Something you need to attend to or act upon.

"Did you finish Them?"

Lokis firm voice brings you right back to reality, you didn't even hear him come back inside. You simply nod your head no, as you throw yet another letter into the trash. Why couldn't you just write the damn letters.

"You need to write them.. at least your brother" Loki says frustrated as he sits next to you.

"I should give the babies some food" you change the subject. As soon as you get up Loki grabs your arm.

"They're sleeping and please let it stay that way"

The children kept both of you up all night. You never had a moment to yourselves, your life revolved around them. And strangely enough that's what you loved the most.

"Min elskede, you're not yourself.. I just want you to be safe" Loki sighs softly.

"I am safe"

"Are you happy?"

The question echoes louder than any other word ever has. Because you're not happy, you should be. All you want to be is happy. But the feeling of sadness keeps creeping in on you.

"I don't know what happiness means anymore"

Loki softly wraps his arms around you. Rocking you back and forth. You're slow dancing in the living room, resting your head on his chest. He gives you everything you've ever wanted. Everything you've ever wanted. So why aren't you just happy.

"Whatever you choose to do, I will support you. I will be you rock, I will catch you if you fall, and jump with you if that's what you want me to do"

Lokis comforting words, sinks into your heart. Planting a seed of hope within you. Perhaps you don't need anything else but him.

As the night creeps over you yet another time, you stay up writing the letters, and although they were far from perfect they put into words what you had longed to say to them for the past year. All you needed to do was send them. And honestly that a thought far worse than writing them. Knowing that once you send these letters, you would be packing up your life here, starting a new life. And as much as you wanted to send them right away. Now wasn't the time.

But you promised yourself you would send them. One day you would