To heal is to feel

Her touch

I feel thin fingers run through my hair, a soft hum erupting from the back of my throat. The touch felt so familiar, so cold. There was a slight discomfort coming from my lower back which made me squirm till arms wrapped around my shoulders.

That's when I could sniff her scent. My mom. My eyes snap open and I'm met with her dark eyes and bright smile. I look up at her, my head on her lap as she brings a hand up causing me to flinch and dig into her lap more.

She brings it down and runs her finger tips up and down my cheeks, I shiver at the sudden cold touch. She continues to smile down at me with out saying a word, something was wrong.

The air was thicker than it should be, mom was paler than I last saw her, and when I looked around I took notice of how empty the r.v looked.

"Mom-"

"Shh. " she cuts me off, running her hands up and down my arms, then my face again, and then combing my hair with her fingers

"Are you really here-"

"Shh Lanna. Get some rest, you need it for being such a dumbass these past few days." She states also cutting me off again. I know better than to say something again after she told me to hush.

But I haven't been a dumbass lately? Or have I been, and mom was not here to tell me.

"Today I will wear my white button down. I'm tired of wanting more. I think I'm finally worn. For you have a way of promising things.-" Mom starts to sing in a soft voice, making my eyes flutter shut and my body to relax into her arms and coldness.

"- And I've been a forest fire. I'm a forest fire. And I am the fire, and I am the Forrest, and I am a witness watching it..." she stops when she noticed that I've relaxed into her.

I feel her press her lips onto my forehead before everything feels light and I can't remember that I've fallen back asleep.

—

The sound of guts being squashed and bones cracking is what fills my ears when I wake up again, A sigh escapes my lips before I look up at the ceiling of the r.v

I look around but I realized that I was alone. I shoot up, hissing when a tightness is felt on my back, I bring a shaky hand around my mid and to the wound I remember suffering from before I woke up.

I felt thread run down my lower back, my brows furrow at the feeling, I gently kick the blanket that I don't remember being there when I fell asleep.

Grabbing the edge of the table in front of me for support, stumbling towards the bathroom, I turn around so my back is facing the mirror and I look over my shoulder.

I gasp when I see that I had stitches run down my lower back and ending at the waist band of my soaked pants.

I would've felt more pain if I knew that my knife went that deep into me, I would've felt more. Why didn't I?

I notice that my sleeved shirt was caked with blood on the back and my pants were too. I bow my head with discomfort, mom was right. I have been a dumb ass.

I need her here with me right know.

Was I imaging her? Did she leave again?

I shake my head to rid of the thoughts, stumbling out of the bathroom and towards the door to go outside. When I open the door I'm immediately hit with the shining of the bright son and the heat it came with.

I groan and bring a hand that I know realize has some blood, my blood on it, I use it to shield my eyes as I jump out of the r.v. Immediately regretting jumping when A shock of heat runs up my spine.