To heal is to feel

What a beauty

"A walker got him. A walker but Jim." Jacqui voice breaks me from my daydream. I stand up along with Shane and rick, when they and along with Daryl, t dog, and Glenn start to circle them I search my pockets and my pants waist band for my knife. It's gone, I forgot to grab it from the freaks head.

No. No no no no no no.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." Jim repeats the two words a few times, daryl let's go of his shirt that was picked up enough to show every one the bite mark of a freak.

Carol grabs ahold of my shoulder from behind me, Jacky a little in front of me but not enough to block my view.

No, Jim is not okay.

Rick sent me into a sent where all the kids were, boring.

I was in the middle of play tic tax toe with Carl, he was teaching me not to play as we went along. It was easy. I froze my movements, the circle that I was drawing on the paper now a half circle.

A shot from a gun went off and I knew already who it was. Andrea, she shot her sister just know. It was going to have to be done some day, preferably in a hour or two. At least Amy won't suffer any more.

A few moments past, my mind was foggy and I didn't know when I walked up a hill towards where we were going to bury members of the group. The ones we could.

I also don't remember when I stopped walking up the hill and ended up next to a smelling rick. His hand grips my shoulder softly as we watch Andrea struggle to put her sister into the grave.

"I can do it." She repeats those four words several times when Dale tries to help her, but she denies him. Eventually Dale helps out a dead Amy's feet into the grave and I release a tired sigh.

Loris quite sob from Lori who was holding onto Carl and on the other side of rick, she is making me uncomfortable right now. But I don't step away or tell her to quit it because I now she must be hurting for Amy and Andrea, I suppose.

When it's all done I don't waste time on turning on my heel and walking down the hill, back to mine and Glenn's tent.

I sit on the ground in front of Glenn as he stands behind me, I got bored for the one hundred time and decided to do something.

So, I grabbed a stick and dig into the ground. The dirt a little soggy which makes it easier to dig through it. I got far enough to see some worms, but I didn't want to interrupt there day so with a sigh I picked up the bunch I put in Glenn's cap and put them back into there hole, filling the hole with the dirt like nothing happened.

I waved the hat around a little to make sure nothing was still in there before looking back up at Glenn who was already looking down at me with a sour look.

I smile softly, stretching my arm up and handing him the hat. I could see him swallow something before taking the hat from my hand , shaking it a little before hesitant putting it back on.

"Thanks, Lanna." He says, I nod at him before dragging my arms back into the ground.

Footsteps were heard from a far and I looked to see Rick along with Shane and Dale coming from their sweep

"I've been, uh — I've been thinking about Ricks plan. Now look, there are no - - there are no guarantees either way. I'll be the first one to admit that. I've known this man a long time. I trust is instinct. I say the most important thing here is we need to stay together. So those of you that agree, we leave first thing in the morning. Okay?" Shane finishes his talking, I know I have no say in this.

I'm just going along. I'm just here.

Every one goes back to there tents, I see Rick going somewhere and I take the chance as an excuse.

"I'm going to say goodnight to rick." I lie, Glenn doesn't think twice before nodding and heading into the tent.

I walk a little behind rick till he goes into the trees and I look around to see that I'm the only one outside. Hmm.

I walk towards where the cliff is , over looking the big pond that I catch frogs with Shane and Carl.

The sun was in the middle of sitting when I sat down, my feet almost at the edge of where the cliff ended.

I couldn't take my eyes off of the sun set, the colors. It was beautiful, although I prefer the stars in the pitch black night, that's also very beautiful.

"I miss you mama." I find myself saying out into the air, no heard me. The person that I wanted to hear me couldn't, that's for sure.

My eyes trail down to the big pond, I wonder... if a force could snatch my feet that were so close to the edge and just... drag me towards the bottom of it where the rocks meet the water.

Wouldn't that be nice.

I think I want to cry at this moment, but nothing happened. Nothing. That was weird. I always shed some tears when mama or Benny, anybody would hit me or yell at me... just something. Why can't I know.

I think I feel sad, so why don't I cry. Carl, Sophia, Aliza do. I'm not different. Except they have a dad, or did. I never did.

"It's not fair." I say, to no one. No one hears my words. No one.

I hear leaves crunching coming from behind me, I get up and take my time walking back to camp. Not caring if I got caught by any one.

I zip the zipper to the tent down and walk in, zipping it up again.

"Hey, said your goodnight." Glenn's says in a playful tone, I didn't want to ruin his mood so I smiled a little smile and turned around to him

"Yeah." I say, he nods and continues packing, packing. "Glenn, why are you packing?" I ask, a hint of panic in my voice and I feel my shoulders tense up.

Is he leaving and moving into another tent? Why would he? I haven't done anything. Have I?

"We're leaving tomorrow. Didn't you hear Shane? First thing in the morning." He says as if it was obvious

"Oh." I drop my shoulders and release a released sigh.

"Why? What did you think I was going to do?" He chuckles as he zips up a backpack, I scoff and move towards the blankets to fold them.

"Nothing. You want me to save you a blanket and fold the rest?" I ask, folding two of the four he has

"Sure, if you want." He says , I shrug and set the two other blankets near the corner and giving him one and saving myself one as well.

"Sorry about your frog." He says, I freeze and look towards the corner where the blankets are in shock

"No. No no no." I repeat the word several times as I open the lid to see the box empty. How could I forget? What's wrong with me?

"Hey, it's okay it probably escaped during the attack. Probably back in the water right know, swimming to find it's family." Glenn says and I feel him wrap his arms around me, before letting me go and continue to pack the few things me and him have.

I drop the lid and set the blankets on top of the box.

I wanted to ask glenn if he had my knife or if he saw some one take it, or if they left it in the freak when they burned the non group ones.

But I didn't.