To heal is to feel

Such pretty flowers

I couldn't stop picking at the skin around my fingernails as I watched Beth take a rock from the pile of them in the wagon and stack it along with the others.

"Blessed be god. Father of our lord. Jesus Christ. Praise be to him for the gift of our brother Otis. For his span of year, for his abundance of character; Otis, who gave his life to save a child's. Now more than ever, our most precious asset. We thank you, god, for the peace he enjoys in your embrace. He died as he lived. In grace." Hershel finally finished

I wanted to leave and throw myself into the restroom and lock the door as soon as possible. I've never really been to a funeral so I guess you could say I don't now how to act.

Do I just stay quite until everyone leaves or do we all say something.

"Shane, will you speak for Otis?" Hershel asked and I look up at Shane who was standing besides me.

He still had that distant look in his eyes.

"I'm not good at it. I'm sorry." Shane says in a low voice.

"You were the last one with him. You shared his final moments. Please I need to hear. I need to know his death had meaning." A crying Patricia said , looking at Shane with so much heart break

"Okay." Shane whispered and takes a moment to look down at the dirt, before he picks his head back up and speaks,

"We we're about done. Almost out of ammo. We were down to pistols by then. I was limping. It was bad. Ankle all swollen up. "We've gotta save the boy." See that's what he said. He gave me his backpack. He shoved me ahead. He said, " I'll take the rear. I'll cover you." And when I looked back..." Shane trailed off as he looked at Patricia

He started to limp towards the rock pile for Otis, " if not for Otis, I'd have never made it out alive. And that goes for Carl too. It was Otis. He saved us both. If any death had meaning, it was his." Shane finishes speaking before putting a rock on top of the others.

I thought. Then I thought more for once. Didn't Rick give Otis his gun. I remember seeing Shane give Rick his gun back.

I looked at rick from the corner of my eye and saw a very familiar pistol on his belt. How'd Shane get that gun back from Otis if Otis was covering the back and Shane didn't even notice till it was too late.

It didn't add up.

Soon every one slowly started to walk back to wherever they were going. I stayed a while longer before turning around and walking back to the White House with my head down.

The sun was killing me again.

"It's hot." I say as I stop in front of rick, who was sitting out side on the steps infront of the house.

He chuckles and gestures for me to sit besides him, I do. I put my elbows on my knees before turning my head to Rick.

"Whatcha' thinking about?" I found myself asking as I took in his form. He was slouched over but his shoulders still held some tension, his face was all wrinkled from how tight he was making his face from tension, and his hands wouldn't stop swinging his hat back and forth.

"A lot of things. How carls doing-"

"Hershel already said he'll be okay. Trust him." I cut him off

"Do you trust him?" Rick asks me as he stops swinging his hat back and forth

"No, I do not." I say before I could stop my mouth from opening, I sigh as I look from the pretty screen in front of me to Ricks face besides me

He didn't look surprised with my answer but more like relieved.