To heal is to feel

Trouble with death

Is this real? Has old man dale finally entered the gates of death? 

Yes, yes he has.

As I stand in between Carl and Lori , I realize how much death we've seen without blinking an eye. Sure we'll grieve and think about it for some time but then we go in with the apocalypse days. Is that how it's going to be?

When will it be my turn? I wonder.

"Dale could get under your skin. Sure got under mine. Cause he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought. How he felt. That kind of honesty is rare and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision," rick pauses and looks down at me for a second before looking down at the pile of dirt that dales body lies underneath in. " he's be looking back at me with that look he had.  We've all seen it on time or another. I couldn't always read him, but he could read us. He saw people for who they were. He knew things about us- - the truth, who we really are. I'm the end, he was talking about losing our humanity. He said this group is broken. The best way to honor him is to unbreak it. Set aside our differences and pull together. Stop feeling sorry for ourselves. Start taking control of our lives, or safety our cuter. We're not broken. We're going to prove him wrong. From now on we are going to do it his way. That is how we honor dale." Rick kneels down next to dales grave after his speech and parts some dirt down.

Once everyone is gone, I stay behind and look down at the pile of dirt. Because that's all it was. A pile of dirt. Mama always said that there was no point in bury someone already dead because ... well she never really told me why. I just went along with it. I still do.

"Old man, hope you're giving them a hard time over there" I mumble into the ground, knowing he can't hear me anyways. My eyes start to wander to another grave besides dales. 

Sophia. I look behind me to see the group far far away. I walk around dales grave to Sophia's and silently sit on the ground. If mama could see what I'm doing right now, she would smack me cold but she wasn't here so I'm okay.

"Okay." I sigh out before rolling my shoulders twice and looking at the cross instead of the ground. If carol believe in that stuff, who am I to judge.

"I'm sorry I couldn't.. be there for you. I guess." I mumble the last part and lower my head to my lap.  "Your mama loves you so much still. You probably missed her warmth the most, huh? I miss you. Even if I don't see you. I'll always remember you, I got a feeling. You were so ... nice and warming. I... don't know what else to say" I catch myself before I say something else.

That's enough. I'll come back. I'll say more next time.

I say goodbye before standing up and dusting my pants off.

The camp was empty when I've arrived.  I go to dales R.V to find Andrea in there.

"Hey. How you feeling?" Andrea ask me and I shrug my shoulders. Not knowing what to say to her before she grabs the keys and tries to start the engine, I suppose. But all we get in return are grumbles in return.

Glenn appears at the front of the R.V as I take a seat on the passenger seat.

"Andrea, hey, did you try pumping the gas pedal?" Glenn ask and Andrea sighs 

"I think it's been parked too long." She yells so Glenn could hear her

"You got to-"

"To give her a twist. I know I know." Andrea says before twisting the keys again and stepping on the pedal even though Glenn is right in front of the car. I see Glenn tap the hood of the van and I tap Andrea to get her attention.