To heal is to feel

What once was

We got back from the outside a couple hours ago. Michone left to go on duty. Which was a pretty good laugh...

Duty.

Rositas now sitting in the I pharmacy with a sleeping Tara. Yes, I know, Glenn came back from the run with two members short.

One of them being Noah. I knew that.

Now, Judith is in a day care because I wasn't here to take her from a busy carol. So, I sit here on their rail porch with a rag in one hand and my dirty arrows in the other.

Humming a soft tune as the dried up blood marks my bloody cloths.

Suddenly, I harmed a loud crashing of glass and it's followed with groaning and shouting. Walkers don't shout...

I jump off the railing and take off into a sprint towards a familiar street. When I get to the sounds, I'm locked from the real events by people circling it.

I see an opening and push through the tall people to see a sight I haven't thought would ever happen.

Ricky, choking the doctor down on the hot cement road. His face is marked with blood streaks that could have only come from glass embedded into his once youthful face.

The blonde wife that mama has talked about tries to get the man off of rick when they are turned around, but the man slaps her cheek so hard that it has me flinching and her falling to the ground.

This man, the husband, is the abuser. Rick found out and got mad? There's more... there's always more.

The man doesn't stop delivering punches to ricks manic eyes. I watch as rick lets his true instincts come out as he uses his finger nails to scratch some of the man's skin off.

Ricks on top now. He raises his fists. It looks so bloody, so tired, so harmful... almost like how Shane's fist looked.

I watch as Carl tries to grab onto his father's shoulders but is shrugged off, falling to the ground from force.

I run around the commotion and towards Carl, picking him up and off the ground by his hands. He smiles down at me in thanks.

But as he looks back at his father and the actions being done, his smile vanished into the crispy air. He doesn't let go of my wrist, only holding it tighter.

I watch on as well.

The way the man's eyes closer so tightly from a blow to the skull. How ricks lips formed into a tight line as he snakes his flexed arms around the man's throat.

Wrapping his body around his prey like a snake would.

I find the familiar bright blue ocean orbs of ricks as his eyes look above my head to my joined hands with Carl.

Then my eyes.

Yes, his day time ocean eyes swirled into one of the midnight sea. Like he was beginning to build a switch in his brain. The switch already been built but being fixed to work.

Just like Shane once had.

Why am I barely realizing the similarities? Why now?

You've known more than just now, Lanna.

"Stop."I hear myself mumble. I didn't know if I was trying to tell the two men fighting over a woman and the bad actions, or if I wanted the voice, the voice that's been on a night long trip, to leave me alone.

The more we look at each other, the more I realize that he isn't rick right now. I turn my head away as I hear the two grown mean growl at each other like wolves.