To heal is to feel

Last time I see you

It's when carls gun vanished from my eyes view and when rick starts to slowly walk towards us that I focus back into reality. Reality being that water is running down my face. I look to see Rick and carl walking away but my feet stay rooted to the grass.

We can't leave him like this.

It's funny how a moment ago I wanted Shane to be found out for what he really is- was and now I can't stop feeling how he made me feel before I knew his true form.

Maybe that wasn't his true form. Maybe the form of him , the one back at the quarry is his real one. This world just made him... rotting. He was the first to see me. I think he was.

I see rick familiar face appear in front of me through my blurred sight. He was looking at me with so much sorrow.

"Lanna we got to go." He says, putting his hands on my shoulders and pushing me gently backwards but I refuse and look around him to Shane lifeless body. His eyes were still open.

"We can't leave him like this." I find myself wisphering. Rick looks from me to his lost best friend than back to me.

I see a single tear fall from his eye as he looks down at me.

"Dad." I hear Carl say, then moments later I feel myself being picked up from under my arms and rick wrapping my legs around his stomach then I feel him carrying me further and further away from Shane.

It silent. And my tears have dried seconds ago. I wipe whatever extra water was on my face and put my chin on ricks wet shoulder. Carl took ahold of my hand a while ago and I made no move to push it away.

"Are you bit too?" I hear Carl ask rick and I tense up. Rick can't be bite. He can't be. Rick feels me tense up and rubs more circles around my back. I let him. It was a different warmth. One close to my mamas but not quite the same. I don't know how to explain it.

I can't see Shane anymore.

"No."  Was ricks single answer

"Shane was." I agree with Carl

"That wasn't Shane. You know that." Rick says into my ear causing me to sigh. Because deep down I know what he was trying to say. That Shane was gone long before but I didn't want to hear it.

"Used to be. What happened? You guys attacked? I-we heard a gunshot but didn't see any walkers near by."  Carl list off questions

I hear the conversation between them with perked up ears. I wanted to know just as much as Carl did. There's silence until rick sighs and sets me down slowly besides Carl. He starts to bend down and open his mouth. That's until we all hear the faint sound of hisses and groans.

Oh shit.

Rick rushes us forwards until we stop behind a tree. But I doubt a tree will hide us from the hundreds of walkers behind us.

"We got- we got to tell the others." I speak out messily. My hands holding my flip knife closer to me as if that will save me from all of those things.

"We'll never get through that." Rick wisphers and I know he's right

"Barn." I utter the word and rick looks from the barn to me and nods.

"Good. Carl, Lanna stay close." He wisphers before we are off. A walker lunges at Carl and I pull him closer to his dad and me. His whimpers making me more nervous. Rick urges us to go in front of him and I take Carl hand in mine and run faster ahead. As soon as we run into the barn ,Rick closes the door and shuts it . But when I know it won't last.

Okay, okay. Think think think. We aren't high on guns. Knifes won't hold back on all of those walkers. What else what else. I start to pace. I don't know what I'm thinking but pacing seems to help. Some of the times.