To heal is to feel

Loose thoughts

I lean my head back against the tree. Maggie's cries not doing my headache any better but I would be selfish if I told her to stop.

The fire burning a few feet away adding a lil sense of calmness to spread through my brain. No one said anything, no one did shit.

Right now, Rick, Glenn, michonne, tyreese, and the kid they rescued from the hospital Noah were going on a mission.

The mission being that they were going to check out Noah's old home before the hospital. I didn't have hope that it was going to still be how it was.

Rick agreed solely the fact that Beth wanted to help Noah. This was his way of showing honor for Beth.

I look around. No one was looking, no one would noticed if I just slipped back into the woods and lost my way from them, again.

I could do it.

Carl was in the car with his sister. Some were keeping watch for imaginary things, some just tired and in there own world.

I can do it. I can go away.

I stand up, readjusting my bow, turning around and waiting. I wait for anyone to notice my movements but they don't. It's too easy.

Grief has blinded them.

Taking one deep breath I take one step forwards into the branches of the trees. Silence. I take another, nothing happens.

Alright. I start walking and walking. I don't stop.

I hear the familiar sound of the crows calls and look up to find a crowd flying over me. I shrug my bow off and load an arrow before aiming it upwards.

They were almost gone, almost safe. I release my bow and listen to the sound of one crow let out a piercing call before it's falling to the ground.

It's like they find me at the most needed times.

I watch it disappear into the branches of the green trees. I take off in a sprint, not wanting anything to grab it before me.

I find it laying lifeless on the ground.

It looked so simple. I mean, bird flies over you, you kill it, then your suppose to feed on it. But I didn't want to.

With a sigh, I pick it up and pluck my arrow out of its wing. Hugging the bird to my chest before turning and walking back to where the rest were.

Pushing some branches away from me, I step out into the clearing of the road where they were. I walk up to Maggie's crying form.

No one had notice I was gone. It was that easy yet so hard for me, and only me.

When she notices me standing beside her , she wipes her tears before clearing her throat. She looks up at me with a sad frown, silently asking me what I was doing.

I clutch the bird loosely in one hand as the other is occupied with holding my arrow. With a deep breath I hold the dead crow to her.

Maybe it'll make her feel better. She needs to feel better.

I jerk the bird towards her again.

"Could you..." she looses her words, weakly tilting her head towards the fire. I get what she meant. She couldn't do it, cook the bird I mean.

I nod and sit besides her. If she couldn't do it than I'll do it for her. Her occasional sniffles with a clear of the throat are the only sounds I hear as I pluck the crows feathers one by one.

My fingers start to cramp up but I don't stop.

When I've finished, I take deep breath and look up to release the tension in my neck. I drop my head forwards, barely noticing the shocked eyes that were watching me.