To heal is to feel

A Babies Presence

I didn't wake up to the sound of anything. No clashing of pans nor obnoxious, loud music. There wasn't a smell, either. The familiar scent of smoke and husky perfume are replaced with nothingness.

The unfamiliarity brings back my thinking. Thinking of why it isn't how it was. Then, I am reminded of the humming, the surprising tears, they yelling, the guilt...

My troubled mama...mama...

My eyes are quick to flicker awake, fully. She isn't making burnt toast in the kitchen, yelling at me to wake my ass up, trying to play nicely nice...

Mama isn't doing non of that because she isn't here. Because I'm not here-there. I'm not in her house. Where am I?

My hands push themselves up. My head bows with my eyes closed as a let my coming yawn release into the crispy air.

Something tries to weigh me down. I look at myself to see if something was trying to me. Physically, I saw nothing. Mentally...

I need to see mama. Yes, that's it. I look around the room for the door. It was easy to find. I walk out, not bothering to shut the door.

Rays of sun hit my vision as soon as soon as I take two steps away from the unknown room. I don't sheild myself from its brightness.

I feel my skin sink into the feeling of its heated mess. My fingertips stretch out as I feel a buzzing coming from them. This would happen when I touch grass.

I wonder why that is? Does it happen to other people?

"Lanna, you're awake." I hear carls voice come from a foot behind me. It surprises me how I never heard him, with his chunky boots.

But I've accepted to be surprised by him from now on that it doesn't show when I am.

"Yes," I wobble a little as I turn around to face him. "You're awake too." I add in, not knowing what to say.

It's strange. I never really had a problem talking to him. But something felt off. I only am feeling it know that my mind is clear of some of the morning fog.

What is it?

"Yeah." He chuckles, tilting his head as he scrunched up his face for a moment. He too, feels something's off.

I know it.

"Are you alright?" He asks , taking a step and reaching his hand out. Feeling my head before he starts to check around me. I let him.

"I don't know." I shrug, to tell him and I the truth... when was I? When wasn't I?

"Your probably just hungry. Come on, I was about to go and make something for Jude and me." He grabs my wrist in a gentle grip, walking us down the stairs.

Breakfast...

He opens an unfamiliar door. He walks us up to a one of those things people would put there babies in. I look down for see a peaceful sleeping Judith.

Her arms spread out, her legs in the air. She takes up as much space as she wants to. I can admire that about her.

"I try to be really calm when waking her up. But no matter what, she always makes a fuss." Carl wisphers to me as he looks down at his sister with admiration.

It was like I was in a trance by her captivating dream like state. She's nothing but a baby. No worries, no thoughts, no one telling her how to be, nothing.

Yet, I can't help but be curious on if she does think. And if she does, what is it that intrigues her?

I feel my feet carry me closer to her bedding. My arms reached down. My fingertips run through the few hairs she has on her soft scalp.