To heal is to feel

Small Relief

Uncomfortable, I shifted uncomfortably on the couching chair in the corner of the room as I watched Hershel check carls pressure with a ear thing.

Every single time I looked to where Lori and rick were waiting for Hershel to say something with tired eyes, my breathing picked up and I shifted in the seat again.

"Pressures dropping again. We can't take much longer." Hershel says, making me pull my eyes away from the two adults and to carls sleeping form.

"Take some more. Whatever he needs. Then I'm gonna go." Rick said and my eyes snapped to him

Go? Where was he going to go to? It's bad enough Shane left now he wants to leave me- Carl... he wants to leave his shot son alone.

"Go? Go where?" Lori questions my thoughts out loud

"He said five miles. They should be long back by now. Somethings gone wrong." Rick says in a rushed voice

His face almost lost all its color from how much blood he's given to Carl in only one day.

"Are you insane? Your not going after them." Lori argues but keeps her tone calm

"Rick, listen to your wife." Hershel agrees

"If they got into trouble-"

"You're in no condition to do anything about it. You've given to much blood. You barley on your feet. You wouldn't make it across the yard." Hershel explains but rick doesn't seem to listen

"If something happened, I have to go." Rick says to Lori but judging by the face Lori is making, rick isn't has convincing as he thinks he is

"No, your place is here. If Shane said he'll be back, he'll be back. He's like you that way." Lori says glancing at me for a second before shifting her eyes back to rick

"I can't just sit here." Rick says

"That's exactly what you do." Lori suddenly snaps and I couldn't help it when my body instinctively moved further into the chair, " If you need to pray or cry or tell god he's cruel, you go right ahead, but your not leaving rick. Carl needs you here. I need you here." Loris voice softens at the end as she admits her feelings

The sun has gone down already but Shane and Otis have not yet returned. Worry started to spread in my chest for Shane. What if something bad did happen and he's , dead.

I stare at carls bandage that on his stomach, blood stained it. Hershel left a while ago and Lori excused herself before leaving the room as well. Rick gives me a sad look but I don't say anything.

I was still hugging my knees to my chest. I ignored the buzzing feeling in my feet from being in this position so long.

I wanted the group to be together again, like nothing has happened.

I could hear Ricks grunts as he used whatever strength he had to get up and leave the room, probably going to find Lori.

I wait a few seconds before dropping my feet to the ground and slowly walking towards where carls sleeps.

"Carl, I-if you can hear me," I paused and looked down at his stomach where the bandage is soaked with blood , "I-I  just wanted to say that you are strong. You have to push through this. You have to,please?"

I retract back to my chair when I hear footsteps coming closer to the room. Hershel comes in and smiles lightly at me before taking a seat by carls bed.

Checking his pales before giving me a glance. I was about to get up and get another glass of orange juice before I saw carls eyes snap open.

He started to cough several times and I got up and moved to the end of the bed. Putting my hands on the bed and giving Hershel a eager look.

He woke up. That's good, right?

I didn't notice Lori and rick come into the room and leaning on carls other side of the bed. Lori strokes Carl sweaty hair out of his sweaty face

"Where are we?" Carl ask, his eyes looking from Hershel to rick frantically

"Hey, little man. Thats Hershel. We're in his house. You had a accident. All right?" Rick says, Carl nods before looking down at his stomach

I don't think he has noticed me. I suddenly become aware of the blood that's in my jacket, it wasn't as much as there is on my shirt but it's still there, noticeable to the naked eye.

"It hurts, a lot." Carl expresses and Lori takes his hands looking like she will burst into sad tears once again

"Oh, baby. I know I know." Lori comforts Carl and I see a hint of a smile on his lips as his eyes Tavel downwards to me, who was at the end of the bed

I raise a brow and feel myself grin the slightest.

He's not dead.

"You should have seen it."Carl says, shifting his eyes from me to his mom

"What?" Lori ask him, her only focus is smiling at her son with joy in her eyes. She changed so quickly.

"The deer. It was so pretty, mom. It was so close. I've never been..." Carl cuts off his own words and I feel the small grin on my face disappear quickly

"Carl?" Rick has the same panicked look on his face that Lori does as well but Carl doesn't respond

I can't hear his heavy breaths anymore.

"What is happening?" Lori ask but before Hershel could say anything carls feet start to move in wild movements in front of me

Then his whole body starts to move wildly around. He looks scary right now. His grunts sound like struggles and I make a move to hold down his feet when Rick and Lori try to hold down his whole body

But Hershel stops us,

"Don't. It's a seizure. If you hold him down, you could hurt him." He says and I feel myself growing angry at her shells words

I want to help Carl, make his struggles stop.

"You can't stop it?" I ask before I could hold back the words. Hershel looks at me with a sorry look before looking back down at Carl, who was now laying on his side

"He has to just go through it." He says and I hold back the curses I want too shoot at him. When I see Rick and Lori take steps back, holding each other, I force my hands to move away from carls feet and take a step back myself

Lora sobbing and Ricks panicked breathing are mixed with carls grunts and the squeaking of the bed. I can't look away from him, Carl. No one does anything but look at Carl and his wild movements .

When Carl finally stops, Hershel checks his pulse while Lori bends down to carls side with the same worried mother look she gives for him

"His brain isn't getting enough blood. His pressure is bottoming. He needs another transfusion." Hershel says, sweat making his face shiny

"Okay, I'm ready." Rick is fast to say but Hershel shakes his head

"If I take any more out of you your body could shut down. Your body could go into a coma. Or cardiac arrest." Hershel says but I don't know what have those words mean

"Your wasting time." Rick says and puts his arm out, the one with a blood soaked cloths on the middle of his arm

Hershel, with hesitation, moves around the bed and me towards a tired rick, preparing his fancy looking tool to take more blood from him.