To heal is to feel

Poor Thing

.
I'm losing memories.

I know that it's normal too lose some as you grow, but, I can't. It's been a few days since I left the walls. A few weeks since I've been with the group. Months since I was on my own.

More since I've been at the sanc- to that place.

I can't remember Carmen's voice. It happened last night, I hadn't heard her voice telling me a story- an order to go to sleep- like she usually does every night.

Or so she had.

But last night... it was crickets. So, I tried to think about the time she sat down besides me on her bed, her face covered with sweat, her mouth opening but nothing comes out.

I couldn't sleep... but I couldn't cry either. It was frustrating.

I run my hands under the steaming water to break myself from my thoughts. Taking a shower with my bunny had become one of my favorite things. Carol told me that I had to keep it clean one way or another.

I think I used keeping my bunny clean as a motivation to take care of my coat of fur-  skin as well.

O take of my sweaty cloths, that I ran outside in the morning with off, shoving it to the corner of the toilet.  I force my feet to push into the slippery shower.

Firstly, I use some of my lavender bar soap to clean fury up. That's been its name, furry. I rinse him off and set him outside of the shower to air dry.

I dreaded this part, cleaning myself.

I bring up thoughts to keep myself occupied as I lather my hair in rosemary bar soap, closing my eyes to not get anything in them.

Think think think think think-

At this moment, Rick and every adult , strong, manly hand was out of the walls. Rick and the unknown man in the kitchen had seen something extraordinary when they went to dump Pete's body.

Rick wouldn't tell me what it was though. Only that it was dangerous. What isn't?

I squeeze the soap out of my hair before grabbing the lavender soap I used for furry, to use for me. I'm quick to rinse the sweat and mud off of my fair skin when I begin to hear furry tapping his tiny feet on the door.

He was hungry.

It was only about a little after sunrise.

I finish and am quick to turn the shower off, watching as the water sinks into the hole in the ground. I grab my lotion and lather myself in it before I reach for my cloths.

Mama dropped off some more cloths , more my size, while I was outside with Glenn... wish she stayed to talk with me. Or look at me.

She's out there right now, so is her fiancé, but who cares about him.

I put on the long, blue skit before shoving a matching color long sleeve on top of it. Putting on these honking boots she found for me as well.

It was odd. J got a sense of familiarity when I opened the familiar bag and look through it. I just couldn't remember from where.

I can't remember.

I suck out all the extra water from my hair over the sink, before I'm Braunfels them into the only braids I now to do, simple single one on each side of my face. They drag down to my elbows, making me feel light.