To heal is to feel

Sad Precaution

The car stops in front of a big metal gate.Looking around I see a couple of run down houses on my side of the road, while the woods sway on carls side.

I wipe the slimy sweat from my palms before stabilizing the baby that has been playing with my hair on my lap.

There's a pause, a loud silence that rings through the air wildly. Not caring to be invisible and disappear...

Then, the most shocking sound fills my tingling ears. Laughter, no just any laughter, but children's laughter.

I've never heard the type of laughter before. Only from Carl and Sophia...

Rick turns to mission, his hard eyes holding nothing but disbelief and hope. The wrinkles stretching his eyes gone , but I don't think it'll be forever.

He gets out of the car, michonne doing the same.

"Hey," Carl soft voice snaps me from my state of observation. I turn to look at him and see that he's searching my eyes for something, "we can do this." He adds

Just like his dad, I notice he uses the word we.

Not you, or I.

Without saying a word, I nod. Letting him believe that this is what I want will make both of ours lives easier.

I hand him his sitter and get out of the car. Carl gets out as well and walks towards where everyone has glued themselves close to each other.

Taking a moment, I use the door to shield myself and take my gun out, stuffing it into the waistband of my pants, covering it with my sweater and vest.

Patting myself I check to see if it's noticeable, It's isn't.

I walk around the car and stop in the edge of the road , behind Abraham. If anything happens, he'll be a okay person to die by or survive with.

Suddenly, there a high ouches squeal and a rattle. My bow is off my shoulder in half a second while my other hand grabs an arrow.

My hands work and think for themselves and something falls out of a metal trash can. A pasam laying dead on the floor with two arrow lodged into its form.

I recognize mine, the sharp tip pierced into one of the eye balls while the other , I recognize as Daryl's, rest inside the full looking belly of the animal.

Dark grabs it and plucks the arrows out, throwing mine at me. I catch it with one hand as the other throws my bows back to its original spot.

There's another squeaky sound and I look up to see that eyes were on me, no attention going to Daryl.

I scoff, wiping the blood off the arrow using my pants as a towel.

"We Brought dinner." Daryl shakes the dead animal up in the strangers faces, causing the guy inside the gate to snap his eyes from me to Daryl.

It was starting to become uncomfortable. They're gazes I mean. The group shifts there eyes from me and looks forward.

It's like I'm judged by anything I do...

"It's okay. Come on in guys." Arron motions with his hand for us to come with him into the big place.

Once we step into the 'community' , the gate shuts behind me and I eye it for a second. Looking up at Abraham besides me to see him looking around.

The arrow in my hand being held with such a tight grip that I feel it crack a little bit.

"Before we take this any further, I need you all to turn over your weapons. Stay, you hand them over." The guy from the gate commands in a weak attempt to

"We don't know if we wanna stay. If we were gonna use them, we would have started already." Rick says, the baby on his lap dangling to the side.

I see the man from the gate swallow a little and take a step back,

"Let them talk to Deanna." Aaron says, looking narrowly at the guy to rick then us.

"Who's Deanna?" Abraham shouts out the question, making heads turn in our direction.

"She knows everything you'd want to know about this place. Rick why- why don't you start." Aaron says more than ask, Rick looks behind him and to us all.

When his eyes meet mine I try to tell him that 'no, let's go back to the road where no one cares for us.' But he doesn't seem to listen this time and instead look above my head

"Sasha." Rick speaks in a louder tone. I watch Sasha aim her rifle at a walker a couple feet from the gate before I hear her take a deep breath and push the trigger down with her finger.

The walker dead in seconds.

The gate closes and I follow everyone's lead in turning back to the front. Turning our back on these people to long isn't such a good idea.

I notice the guy from the gate gawking at the gate, thinking how she did it.

"It's a hood thing we're here." Rick says not smug but rather humbling. Is it, Rick? Is it a good thing we are here?

I watch one but one as the lady with short, copper hair opens her door but doesn't come out. Leaving only a glimpse of her welcoming smile before one of the group enters her rather huge house.

I sit on top of her front perch rail. I let my legs swing in a slow motion. Truth is, I'm anxious. Anxious for the lady inside to open her door for my turn to talk.

Carl is next to go in, with his sister on his hip.

When the door shuts, everyone releases a breath but their eyes don't let go of the worry. I wonder if they felt any worth for me when I was gone...

'They had far more things to worry about then your use to be- weak form , Lanna' , the speaker in my head tells me.

I release a heavy breath , knowing they are right.

It only a couple of minutes since Carl has walked into the house that Maggie walk towards me and leans against the rail next to me.

"Lanna," she pauses and I turn to look at him with a raised brow. SHe was already looking at me with a sternness I've seen before but it didn't affect me, " just don't... say anything ugly, okay?" She asks of me

My face relaxes until it goes blank.

She thinks I'll screw this up. A pinch touches something in my chest and I take a deep breath to collect it and crush it to dust.

"Yes, Maggie." I tell her with the calmest voice I could muster. Her lips twitch up into a soft smile before patting my shoulder with small affection.

The door suddenly opens and Carl comes out with a heavy face, the baby oblivious and smiling around at the faces she looks at.

The lady finally steps out, looking around at the group with certainty. Her eyes fall down to mine and she waves her hand to me,

"Come in please.," she says before taking one foot and putting it inside her house. I hop off the rail and walk towards her,

"Give me a moment, please." Rick steps in front and I stop short to not hit his smelly back. I don't see Deanna but I think she nods because I hear her footsteps decent and rick turns to me.

He kneels down and looks straight into my eyes,

"Think before you say something-"

"Don't tell her anything she doesn't ask, don't over share, keep my comments to myself- be careful with what I touch, don't look at her the wrong way, I know I know. I'll do fine don't worry." I list off things I've heard before

Rick stares at me with shock but also relief before he nods and stands up to his full height. He lays a hand on my blazing hair before pressing down a feather like kiss on it. I swoosh his face away in disgust.

Why am I the only one being told these things? Do they ALL think I'll screw this up?