WE Are (Veddie) [Venom&FemEddie]

Sarcasm

“Ew.” Eddie wrinkles her face in disgust before she can even try to stop herself. Well, she is staring at a severed head unceremoniously stuffed into her friend’s freezer.

“What’d you mean, ‘ew’?” Anne huffs, also staring at the head. The head of her asshole ex-boyfriend. Maybe she, too, has grown so used to the alien sharing her friend’s body. “You’re the one who did this.”

“Um, no.” Eddie narrows her eyes a little. “Your precious VV is the one who did this.”

Venom immediately sprouts forth from Eddie’s shoulder. “Because you wanted us to!”

“I want to still be lyin’ in my bed, because it’s Sunday.” Eddie counters, shoots him a pointed look.

Venom huffs, but is calm as he turns to Annie and says, “I can’t eat it if it’s cold.”

Eddie sighs, feels guilty as she says, “You don’t have to eat him, V. We can go out tonight, like I promised.” And also maybe because she doesn’t want either her or Anne putting the damn severed head in the oven to heat up. But mainly because she knows Venom can’t stand... dead meat.

‘Thank you, Eddie.’ Venom turns to shoot her a toothy grin. “But then, what do we do about this?” He asks as he turns, his head slowly floating over to the open freezer.

“Whatever Annie wants.” Eddie says pointedly.

“Annie doesn’t give a shit, as long as it’s gone before 7 p.m. tonight.” Anne says, wears a sweet smile, though, her voice is stern as she glances between the two.

Eddie huffs, stares at the head again as she contemplates. “Acid bath?”

“And where would you even get the acid?” Anne asks, half serious, half amused.

Eddie scowls, sighs deeply as she says, “I think we’re gonna have to eat him, after all, V.”

“But he’s dead.” Venom grumbles.

“Well, then, you should’ve eaten his head before, when you damn well tore it off of him.” Eddie tells him. “Or not at all, and then, we wouldn’t even be here.”

“...Fine!” Venom huffs. “But I’m not eating a cold head.” He all but demands with a clear grimace of disgust.

“OK, no problem. I’m sure Annie won’t mind lettin’ us stick him in the oven for 5 minutes...” Eddie smiles all too sweetly as she turns to face her friend.

Anne’s eyes widen in horror as she mumbles out, “Oh, God... fine! But wait until I open all the windows. I don’t want my house smelling of head.” She glares when both Eddie and Venom let out equally childish snorts. “You’re both perverts. Grow up!”

●●●

“Well, that was fun.”

‘It was? You never –‘

Eddie smirks when she hears him growling in her head as he realises. “Still haven’t got a handle on the whole sarcasm thing, huh?”

‘Well... you are very good at it.’ Venom’s deep voice huffs in her mind.

Eddie smiles as she chirps out a proud (and sarcastic), “Thank you.”

‘Welcome.’

Eddie holds in a laugh, because yeah, he really can’t pick out sarcasm all that well (which is funny and ironic, because he’s really good at it, himself.) “So, what snacks are on the list for tonight, V? Lemme guess – choc’ and ‘tots?” She asks as they near Mrs. Chen’s little convenience store.