Drop Dead | Sam Fender

Chapter Forty Six

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION

Aurora

"Let's do sommat," Sam announced. The two of us had been cuddling in my bed for the majority of that day, the time now nearing five, only moving when we couldn't ignore the sound of our stomachs any longer.

"Like what?" I asked as my head rested on his chest. The sound of the Sopranos filled the background as it played on my TV, neither of us bothering to pay any attention to it.

"I dunna," he muttered, his hand stroking my hair subconsciously. "Let's go to the beach or sommat. We haven't gone in ages."

"Can we?" I gasped, lifting my head to stare at him with an excited smile.

"Of course," he grinned. "We'll call 'round mine first, so I can grab some clothes."

"I'll get dressed quick and then we can leave," I beamed, pressing a short kiss to his lips before jumping out of the bed and sifting through my wardrobe for something to wear. Although it was the middle of July, the weather had been unpredictable and rather cold. So, considering it was also nearing the evening, I made sure to grab a jumper.

It didn't take me long to get changed, throwing Sam his top to put on so he wouldn't be making the trek to his house half-naked.

"Ready?" he asked with a smile. I nodded, taking his outstretched hand and making my way downstairs giddily. I was like a child who was having a sugar rush, incapable of stopping the bounce in my step as I walked.

"Rory?" my dad's voice called from the kitchen, bringing me back down to earth.

"Yeah?" I replied as I slipped my shoes on, watching Sam do the same. I was hoping that we would be able to sneak out without my dad seeing Sam, but it was wishful thinking at best.

It wasn't that I didn't want my dad to know we were back together, I just didn't want to go through the hassle of his reaction. In fact, I was rather nervous about his reaction as I couldn't predict what it would be like. We'd never been in this situation before.

I could hear my dad's footsteps reverberate off the walls as he walked from the kitchen to the passage, where Sam and I were.

"Did ya get home alreet after last night? I was gan call ya to check on ya but work was hectic- oh," he faltered as his eyes landed on the blond boy standing in front of him. My eyes flickered between the two of them, taking note of how Sam's Adam's apple bobbed nervously and how he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Hi," he mumbled with a tight smile.

"Yous made up then?" he asked slyly, folding his arms across his broad chest and leaning against the banners of the stairs as he stared at the two of us.

"Yeah." I shrugged in reply as I tied my last shoelace. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" he frowned although I could see the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "I'm not doing owt."

"Ya know what you're doing," I groaned, pulling myself up and beginning to push Sam out of the door, but he stood still, his feet planted on the ground, clearly not wanting to be perceived as rude by my dad, who he was already fearful hated him.

"Go wait outside, I'll be reet oot," Sam whispered to me, stroking a hand against my hip before shoving me gently towards the door. I stared at him with uncertainty but he only nodded towards the front door. "Go on."

Sam

My heart was racing a million miles an hour as I watched Rory hesitantly walk out of the door, looking back to shoot me a look of concern. I only sent her a reassuring smile in reply, tensing as the door closed loudly.

"What is it?" Jamie asked when Rory was out of earshot. I despised this. The awkward tension between the two of us, all because of my idiocy. Jamie had become a paternal figure for me, which was welcomed and quite frankly, dire. I didn't see a whole lot of my own dad nor did I speak to him much, so the thought of jeopardising the relationship I had with Rory's made my stomach turn.

"Uh... I- about... I'm-"

"Sam, lad," he sighed, pushing off the stairs and striding over to me, resting a hand on my shoulder, which felt as though it weighed a tonne. "I'm not gan extradite ya 'cause ya hurt me daughter." Ouch. His saying the words out loud was like a shot to the heart. "You're like me kid. Yeah, Rory'll always come first, but ya don't have to shit yourself trying to talk to us like."

"I-I just don't know what to say," I mumbled, avoiding his eyes. "I really hurt Rory and... she might've forgiven us for it, but I can't quite forgive myself yet. So, I don't know how I can stand here and ask for yours."

"As long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy," he assured me, squeezing my shoulder tightly. "And that's you. You're the one who makes her happy."

"I feel like I'm causing her more grief lately," I muttered.

"We're all human, kid. We all make mistakes. Sometimes, life wants to knock us down so badly that we feel like we'll never get back up again and sometimes, we take it out on the ones we love because of it," he told me. "Fuck knows I did. Rory's mam was a saint to put up with us. I was a lot like you, closed off... it's not a healthy way of dealing with your emotions. I bottled mine up for a long time, especially after Grace died and I burst. It's not sommat I've told Rory, I know how hard it is for her to cope with her mam's death, but... I was at my lowest at that point. I didn't see a way out."

My stomach turned at his insinuation, my eyes darting up to meet his which were full of conflict and despair. "You...?"

"I wanted to, thought I didn't have any other option," he whispered.

"What... what stopped ya?" I asked with a frown. I watched as his eyes flickered over to the front door Rory stood behind. "Rory?"

"She came to me... the night I was... going to..." he choked out. "She hadn't even turned thirteen at the time. She was staying over her aunt's house, but she called me crying her eyes out, that she wanted to come home, so she did. She didn't let go of me the entire night, not for a single moment and I realised how selfish I was being. She'd already lost one parent, how could I take another one away from her?"

His words hit me hard. This was a man I looked up to and here he was telling me of his own struggles. It was something I never would have expected, not from Jamie, ever.

"What did ya do?" I questioned.

"I talked to Emmie. It helped a lot," he breathed. "The point I'm trying to make, Sam, is... it might feel like the entire world's against ya, but as long as ya've got a good set of people around ya, you'll be alreet... ya've got to let them in though." Jamie let out a loud grunt as I launched myself into him, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist and resting my chin on his shoulder. He wasn't expecting it from me, hell, I don't think I was expecting it, but soon relaxed into it, his arms holding me tightly and his hand patting my back comfortingly. "You're gan be alreet, kid."

"Thanks, Jamie," I whispered as I pulled away from his embrace.

"Now, get lost," he smiled, nodding towards the door. I muttered my goodbye to him and rejoined Rory outside, who looked like she was going to lose her mind at any given moment.

"Thank fuck for that," she sighed in relief, wrapping her arms around my waist tightly. "Everything alreet?"

"Everything's fine," I assured her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "C'mon, I don't know about you but I'm ready to go to the beach."